DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.
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Bella POV
I feel the cold of the water around me again, but I can't seem to find it in me to care. For once, I don't feel tired or sluggish; I feel like I've gotten a ton of sleep. It's nice and quiet except for a small beeping in the background.
Looking around, I realize I'm back in the water, but it's not the same water. This water is bluer, like that of Caribbean seas. I see Jake and call out to him, but my voice is all wrong and too quiet. He hears me anyway, but shakes his head, telling me no.
Why no Jake?
He doesn't understand; I want to hug him, tell him that I'm coming home to him, that we can finally be together again. I have been seeing him in my dreams so often, the dreams that always leave me scared and crying, but for once, I'm not jolted awake. Why is he telling me no, though?
And that shush, shush, shushing sound? Oh God. I can barely take it.
I feel a jolt. Have I been electrocuted or shocked or something? What was that? I felt a warmth and tingle in my hand, and then it just went through me.
I start to see a swirl of trees around me. I'm moving fast, really fast. Looking down, I see pavement and thin tires below me. I'm on my motorcycle.
I immediately look up at the expanse of road in front of me, searching for Jake. He isn't there, so I glance over my shoulder and see that he's a ways behind me. He doesn't usually get that far away from me when we are riding.
I slow down the bike so he can catch up, but he keeps getting farther and farther behind me. How can that be when he is still moving and I am barely crawling along?
Then he speaks to me and it is like he is right beside my ear.
"Go on without me, Bells. You have to go."
I look around, but I don't see him. He is no longer behind me or anywhere else. Where could he have gone so quickly?
"Go live, Bella. I'm dead. I love you."
"No, Jake. I don't want to live without you. I can't live without you."
"You can, Bella. You have to, for me. Goodbye, Bella. I will always love you!"
"NO! JAKE! NO!"
I jolt upright from the bed, now fully awake. I look around, taking in my surroundings and wipe the sweat - or tears - from my face. I'm in a hospital bed.
What the hell? What happened?
My heart thunders away in my chest and the door opens up. Before anyone has time to enter, I quickly lie back down and watch the door. I don't understand why I'm in a hospital.
Two men walk into the room; the first is young, maybe my age. He is dressed in blue scrubs and looks as though he took a shower recently. His longish, coppery hair is damp and slightly flattened to his head. He stares at me intently, like he can see right through me. His eyes, the color of blue-green tropical waters are piercing, and I have to look away. The second man is older, maybe in his late forties. He wears a lab coat and crisp, gray slacks; he addresses me first.
"Hello, Isabella," he says in a deep, gentle voice.
"Bella." It is the younger man who corrects him and I wonder how he would know to call me that. A bit of redness colors his neck, and he quickly glances away from me and back to the other man. The older man smiles and offers a small nod.
"Yes, her brother said that, didn't he? Hello, Bella. I'm Dr. Oliver Marcus," he says and smiles at me.
"Hi." I stop abruptly and lift my hand up to my burning throat. Why is my voice so raspy? The younger man goes to the sink and fetches a cup of water, returns to my bedside, and hands me the cup.
"Um, thank you," I whisper; I notice it doesn't hurt as badly if I speak softly. "Emmett is here? What's going on?"
The two men look at each other for a moment and the younger one looks back at me.
"Hello, Bella. My name is Dr. Edward Cullen. Is it safe to say that you don't recall anything that happened today?" he asks me.
Cullen? The name rings a bell, but I can't place it. My brain feels so muddled right now. Dr. Cullen looks at me intensely with searching eyes and gives the slightest shake of his head. No? No what?
"No, I don't remember what happened aside from going to the library. I have no idea why I am in a hospital. Could someone please tell me?" I have no recollection as to what happened. I was at the library reading and then woke up here. I obviously lost some time.
"That's fine for now, but I will want to run some tests a little later to make sure that you didn't hit your head when you fell. For now, I will let you be so you can get some rest. I will send the nurse in to do your hourly check, but I think we need to observe you for the night. To answer your question, I believe Dr. Cullen would like to speak to you about that." Dr. Marcus says as he takes out my chart and marks something down on it.
I'm so confused, and ready to protest, when I feel my toe being pinched. I look to the end of the bed, where both men stand and see that Dr. Cullen's hand is closest to my foot. This is all so confusing; I really hate hospitals and why the fuck did he just pinch me? I swallow around the burn in my throat and nod. "Okay, but I want to see my brother."
"That's fine, but Dr. Cullen has some questions for you. When he is finished up he can send your brother in. Oh, and don't forget to ask her what she was chasing, Dr. Cullen," Dr. Marcus says as he walks toward the door.
I suddenly remember running in sand. Before I'm aware of it, I blurt out the answer.
"Memories." It comes out in a choked sob and Dr. Marcus turns back to me with a raised eyebrow.
"She means a photograph. She was chasing after a photograph," Dr. Cullen quickly responds, and it makes me wonder how he would have any idea, and why he seems to be hiding something.
I nod my head at Dr. Marcus, and he walks out, closing the door to my room behind him. I turn my gaze on Dr. Cullen.
"Who are you?" The question comes out short and a little bitchy, but I want some answers, damnit.
He reaches his hand up, running it through the mop of hair that now looks more bronze than copper in color. It is no longer flattened against his head, but sticks up in mild disarray. "Do you really not remember?" His voice sounds a little raspy as well.
"The only thing I remember is running, since the doctor mentioned it. But there was no photo involved. I do remember that," I tell him, searching his face for answers.
He nods. "I'm not sure you want to remember this. Actually, I'm pretty sure you don't."
And just like that, I remember. Well, I remember the dream and running from the library. I don't remember anything past the feeling of heartbreaking despair. I want to cry, but I don't; I won't. I may be scared, but I'm also pissed off and confused. I just want to go home; I should have never gone out in the first place on such a day. I let myself fall asleep in the library of all places, my sanctuary, but now I know I can't ever go back there.
I look down at my hands, but I don't recognize them. They twist the sheet on the bed as if trying to wring it out; the creases on my hands look angry, red. That explains me right now, angry and red. I'm startled out of my thoughts by another jolt going through me and I jump a little. I feel the pressure on my left shoulder and look over. It's Dr. Cullen's hand, and I glance up into his eyes, seeing concern. A shiver passes over my skin and he quickly removes his heavy hand. I refuse to admit that it actually felt kind of nice, comforting.
"I'm sorry, but you were hyperventilating, and I thought you were going to pass out for a second there." His voice is still raspy, but lower this time, a little more soothing.
I take a deep breath and roll my shoulders a couple of times. This is my calming method.
"Hyperventilating? I didn't notice." I pause and reach for the cup of water, sipping at it. "Okay, so I remember now, but what is this business about a photograph?"
He looks at the door, over to the window, and finally back at me. "Ah, well. If I told them you went into the ocean willingly and just went under water…well, they would have wanted to do a psych evaluation on you. So, I changed the story just a tad, making you fall off the pier."
"Wait, what? What pier? And why would I go swimming in the ocean in January?" Ouch, I need to keep my voice down because my throat is killing me.
"I thought you said you remember?" He says, sounding as confused as I am.
I look over at him, studying his expression. There is confusion written all over his face. "Well, I guess I need to hear your version. There are obviously holes in mine."
Before he has a chance to speak, a nurse walks in and over to my bed. He walks over to the door and stops, turning back to look at me.
"We'll talk more about this later. I'm going to send Emmett in," he says and walks out.
I'm a little annoyed that he didn't just stay and tell me everything. And why is he throwing my brother's name around like they are best buddies or some shit? I'm obviously missing some key information. Why can't I remember anything else?
The nurse asks me some questions: how do I feel, do I need to use the restroom? I'm not sure if I am even answering her with intelligible answers, but she seems satisfied and walks me into the restroom, telling me to holler when I'm finished.
I don't really have to go to the bathroom, so I just stand in front of the sink, with that God awful mirror reflecting a so-called image of me. It's frightening how much it resembles the inside of me at this moment. Utterly lost and empty; if it were possible to pull my head back and look down inside my body, it would be found empty, black. The irony in that doesn't go unnoticed.
My legs begin to wobble a bit so I flush the toilet and wash my hands and face so the nurse thinks I went, and call for her. The cool water is a little refreshing and wakes me up just a bit.
When the door opens up, Emmett is sitting at the end of my bed. He looks like hell and my heart breaks knowing that I am probably the reason he looks this way. He stands up and takes the two short steps to me and pulls me to his chest, slightly crushing me. He sobs, so I sob, because it is me that he sobs for and because I have done this to him. He has been such a great brother and he has been through a lot, too. I am causing him more grief that he doesn't deserve. After the looks that Dr. Cullen had been giving me, I know that this is something of my doing. Emmett's hold on me gets even tighter and I can't breath.
"Em." It comes out breathy, and he immediately lessens his grip, but still holds me close to him.
"Damnit, Bella. Damnit." Emmett says in a voice making him sound like he's close to tears.
His heartbreak sets me off and I begin to cry again, quickly becoming a blubbering mess. I can't stop the heaving, body-wracking wails that come out of me. They hurt my raw throat, but I don't care, and I can't stop. Emmett cries right along with me while rubbing soothing circles on my back.
He walks us over to the bed and pulls himself up onto it and then me up into his lap. I feel like a child, but right now it is the only place I want to be. We don't say anything for a long time while we try to calm our emotions and stifle our cries; the silence is therapeutic. After a while Emmett lets out a little huff and sits up straight, stretching. I do the same as he continues his soothing back circles; I think he is drawing shapes or something.
"When Mom died, I was so mad. Mad at Charlie. It should have been him driving the car that day, but he needed the truck to pick up lumber for your tree house, so Mom took that stupid little car she loved. Part of me was mad at you too, since it was your damn tree house he was buying the wood for. I never told anyone that. I'm not even sure why I'm telling you now. It isn't really relevant. But you should know, the anger goes away," Emmett says as he continues his circles on my back.
"It's a bit different Em...I - " I don't finish as he cuts me off.
"I know that, Bells, but I was older than you. I had a totally different perspective than you did," he says in a pleading tone.
"Yes, as I have a totally different perspective than you do now!" I feel myself getting angry but I don't want to be angry right now. I just want to sit like this with my big brother.
"Ugh. I'm sorry, Em. I know. I'm so glad you're here. But, I need to know what happened. I barely remember anything," I tell him, begging forgiveness.
"Why don't you tell me what you remember first, and then I can fill in the rest. But, for the best details, you should talk to Edward," Emmett replies.
"Edward? Edward who?" I ask in confusion.
"Dr. Edward Cullen, and because he saved your life." Emmett says and pulls my chin toward him. He looks down his nose at me.
Huh.
"What? Saved my life how, and why was he even there?" None of this makes sense.
"Look, all I'm gonna tell you, Bells, is that he was in the library and ran out after you in the torrential downpour. Please, just let him tell you the rest. I don't know if I can handle the telling of this story. It isn't mine to tell anyway. Just let him tell you and be nice. He is a really nice guy, even if I did just meet him," Emmett says as he gives me a big brother look.
I huff and Emmett squeezes me a little bit tighter. I shrug my shoulders, conceding, but I still don't understand it. Any of it. I guess that I will be finding out from Dr. Edward Cullen.
"Em, why does the name Cullen sound so familiar to me? I know the name, but I can't place it." I ask and try to push my mind to remember.
"You don't remember? I guess it was a bit of an emotional and trying time." Emmett begins to massage my shoulders.
I just wait for him to go on. He seems to need a bit of time to form the words.
"Edward's father is Dr. Carlisle Cullen…of Forks. He worked on Charlie when he had the bypass," Emmett says, almost in a whisper.
Recognition hits me and I glance over my shoulder. Emmett nods at me and manages a weak half-smile. I look down and once again find my hands fidgeting, not of my own accord. Emmett starts to play with my hair, already bored of the shoulder massage.
"Wow. This…" my voice drops off.
I don't really know what more to say. Dr. Carlisle Cullen had really worked on my dad. I know he did everything he could to try to save Charlie because when he came out of surgery to tell us how everything had gone, he was crying. And we both knew doctors didn't cry. At least, not in front of their patient's families, and not like that. He actually hiccupped, and before we knew it, Emmett and I were bawling and had Dr. Cullen in our circle hug. After a few minutes he had calmed, and apologized for breaking down and being so unprofessional. But Em and I were both glad that he did; it helped us to really see that he had done everything he could.
My dad and the older Dr. Cullen had known each other quite well. Since Dr. Cullen was the chief of surgery at the hospital in Forks and my dad was the Chief of Police there, they had had quite a few conversations over the years. My dad often found himself at the hospital trying to finish reports and just check on the many people he sent there, whether from accidents or injured law breakers.
"This is totally weird. Why haven't we ever met - or seen - Edward Cullen? He looks to be around my age. Shouldn't we have at least run into him in school or something?" I'm pretty sure I have never seen him until this day.
"Well, oddly enough, no. I think he was some kind of a child prodigy or something close to it. He was in a private school and then actually got his high school diploma in the eighth or ninth grade, then went to college right away. The guy is super smart. Now he is a pediatric cardiologist, I think," Emmett tells me.
"Really? I didn't even know Dr. Cullen had children. I had heard Charlie mention him a few times at home before, but nothing much," I say, thinking back to those conversations with Charlie.
"There are actually two children. He has a younger sister, Alice. Apparently she went to a private school in Seattle, and then went to some design school after that. But get this….Alice is engaged to Jasper, Rose's second cousin," Emmett says and moves around on the bed a little, jostling us around.
"What? Jeez this is confusing. I've never met Jasper or heard much of him, so no more family tree for now, okay?" I ask him, mentally trying to string it together.
Emmett chuckles and ruffles my hair, but then gets really close and up in my face. Here it comes.
"Bella. Sweetie. Don't do this again. Ever! Don't do it to me, or to Rose. I've already lost way too much, and besides my Rosey, you are the most important person in the world to me. I promise, things will get better. I know it takes time and I know that you miss Jake and…" He shakes his head a little. "Give it a little more time, Bell. Please," he pleads with me, not looking away until I give him an answer.
I begin to sob again and Emmett crushes me to him once again. My shoulders heave into his chest. I don't even know what I have done, but I know it must have been really bad.
Emmett gives me one last good squeeze and gets up from the bed. He leans over and kisses the top of my head and walks to the door.
"Do you want to talk to Rose? I know she would love to see you. She's so worried," Emmett says, making it sound more like a demand than an option.
I swallow the bile I feel rising in my throat. Rose is going to be mad at me. Seeing Emmett's reaction to whatever it is I did, I know Rose's is going to be worse. Not only because she loves me, but because Emmett had to go through this. If she is one thing, it is protective.
I nod at Emmett and he leaves, closing the door behind him. I hadn't noticed until now, but the nurse had left at some point. While I wait for Rose, I use the restroom; maybe my nervousness to talk to her is scaring the pee out of me. It's likely. I cross the room to sit in the robin's egg blue recliner that faces the window. It is now dark out and the rain has stopped. The sky has actually cleared up a little bit, but I see dark clouds on the horizon. The sky is too lit up from the lights of Port Angeles to get a good look at the stars, but I can see a few, along with a planet or satellite.
I lose myself in thought for a while as I stare at the sky. Maybe if I can push my brain just a little harder, I can remember what happened, or the thoughts and feelings that pushed me to do whatever I had done will resurface. I remember the dream, and as painful as it is for me to recall it, I have to. I would really like to remember before Dr. Cullen has to tell me. I imagine that couldn't possibly go well, and he said something about a psyche evaluation. That notion really frightens me.
I try some meditative relaxation breathing and attempt counting to no avail. I can't remember anything else that happened. The last thing I remember is running out of the library, and then just feeling cold. That's it.
A throat clears behind me and I quickly turn to look to the door to see Rose. The door is closed, and her back is pushed up against it, leaning, but she isn't looking at me. She stares down at her shoes a few moments and my skin prickles in worry. This is going to be really bad.
We stay like this for several minutes until she finally looks up at me. Her eyes are filled to the brim with tears and they slowly overflow and cascade down her cheeks. I want to go to her and tell her that I'm sorry, but she is in her warrior pose. Her stance is rigid and her shoulders are tight. The only thing I can do is wait, so I do. I look back to the heavens.
Behind me, I hear her pulling something and I turn back around. She sets a folding chair close to the chair I am sitting in, just a few feet away. She leans down to prop her elbows on her knees, and her chin in her hands. Her tears are fewer now, as are mine, and I'm glad. I never meant to hurt her, or anyone for that matter. I watch her, waiting for her to speak.
"I know you think I am going to totally go off on you, Bella. And God knows I want to. But, I also know that you are going through some really horrible shit right now. And it's awful. I know that I can't feel what you feel right now, but I do understand, honey. You can't do this, though; you can't keep going on like this. What you are doing and have been doing for the last year is not life. Not at all," Rose says, her eyes staring into my black soul.
She looks away from me and to the sky that I was lost in moments before. She sighs and looks back to me.
"Emmett said that you don't remember what happened. I don't want to believe that, but I do. You should remember - you need to remember - but I also know that it won't be much longer before you do know. I don't know what it's going to do to you, to hear what happened. It's ugly, but we love you and that won't ever change. Just...quit being stupid. What you did today…that's not you, Bella. Whether or not you know it, you are a fighter. Don't ever stop!" Rose says animatedly.
My tears come back in full force, and I wonder if it is possible for the ducts to dry out. Obviously not. Rose isn't just talking about what happened today. She's talking about the entire last year. She has gone that long without ever truly saying what she wanted, and obviously today was the last straw for her, because she's laying it all out on me. I don't blame her, but it makes the hole in me a little rawer around the edges.
"Ouch!" I look down to see Rose's fingers pinching my forearm. I look up to her face and see that she is smirking at me.
"You deserve that and you know it. Well, maybe you don't know it yet, but you will soon." She stands up and puts her hands on her hips, getting defensive again.
"Damnit. I love you Bella. But quit being so fucking stupid about everything! You need to wake up already," Rose says to me, pointing her index finger in my direction.
I jump out of my chair at her and wrap her in my arms. She gives a little umpf, but catches me and somehow, I'm sitting in Rose's lap now. She laughs a little, and a sad giggle bubbles out of me. She hugs me tight, almost as tight as Emmett, and I just sit there for a second or two before finally getting up.
She stands and kisses me on the cheek, then walks over to the door and pulls it open.
"I love you, sweetie, but you need to start living again. Jake would want it," Rose says quietly.
With that, she turns and walks out the door, pulling it closed behind her.
I collapse back into her little folding chair; my head feels too heavy, so I let it hang and my hair becomes a curtain around my head.
I go back into the bathroom after a minute and splash more cold water on my face. My eyes are really beginning to burn from all this crying. I go back to the ugly blue recliner, falling into it, and close my eyes.
I see myself sleeping at home in our bed. But I hear a loud noise and it awakens me. Jake is no longer beside me, and his spot is cold, so he must have been up for a while.
I climb out of bed and grab my robe from the bathroom door hook before I go down stairs to look for him. I notice the clock on the wall of our bedroom says 9:30 a.m., which means I have slept much later than usual. If he was going to visit Billy, why didn't he wake me? He usually does since that is the typical way he spends his Saturdays. He visits Billy in the morning, and is back home by lunch time, and then we do whatever we feel or have planned.
I make my way to the kitchen first, and there is no coffee brewed, which makes this morning even more odd. Jake cannot function without at least two cups of black tar coffee. Hmm. Maybe he is in the garage. I get the coffee brewing and slip my slippers on my feet to go out to the garage. I open up the door to the attached garage, but it is dark, and the radio is not on. Jake always has the radio on when working on the car or one of the bikes. I flip the light on to see if his car is even in the garage. It isn't, but the garage looks off, like there is something missing. It takes me a bit to figure it out, but then I realize it's the motorcycle. His motorcycle is gone.
I go back in the house and look out of the kitchen window. It's raining out and the outdoor weather thermometer says it is only 51 degrees. He wouldn't take the bike out in this weather.
I walk into the living room and the television is off, as well as the lights, so I head back to the office. He's not there. I head back up stairs and use the restroom, and then walk to the end of the hall to check the guest room.
I open the door to darkness. It doesn't make sense as this is usually the brightest room in the house in the morning. I feel a tickling on my abdomen, and reach to flick the light on. The room is filled with black beetles, scurrying around. My breathing hitches, and then accelerates, and I feel the tickle in my stomach again. I look down.
I see all the beetles are coming out of a gash on my stomach and let out a blood curdling scream.
I feel myself being shaken awake.
It takes a long time for me to actually open my eyes but when I do, I am staring into the worried, green eyes of Dr. Edward Cullen.
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Bella POV
I feel the cold of the water around me again, but I can't seem to find it in me to care. For once, I don't feel tired or sluggish; I feel like I've gotten a ton of sleep. It's nice and quiet except for a small beeping in the background.
Looking around, I realize I'm back in the water, but it's not the same water. This water is bluer, like that of Caribbean seas. I see Jake and call out to him, but my voice is all wrong and too quiet. He hears me anyway, but shakes his head, telling me no.
Why no Jake?
He doesn't understand; I want to hug him, tell him that I'm coming home to him, that we can finally be together again. I have been seeing him in my dreams so often, the dreams that always leave me scared and crying, but for once, I'm not jolted awake. Why is he telling me no, though?
And that shush, shush, shushing sound? Oh God. I can barely take it.
I feel a jolt. Have I been electrocuted or shocked or something? What was that? I felt a warmth and tingle in my hand, and then it just went through me.
I start to see a swirl of trees around me. I'm moving fast, really fast. Looking down, I see pavement and thin tires below me. I'm on my motorcycle.
I immediately look up at the expanse of road in front of me, searching for Jake. He isn't there, so I glance over my shoulder and see that he's a ways behind me. He doesn't usually get that far away from me when we are riding.
I slow down the bike so he can catch up, but he keeps getting farther and farther behind me. How can that be when he is still moving and I am barely crawling along?
Then he speaks to me and it is like he is right beside my ear.
"Go on without me, Bells. You have to go."
I look around, but I don't see him. He is no longer behind me or anywhere else. Where could he have gone so quickly?
"Go live, Bella. I'm dead. I love you."
"No, Jake. I don't want to live without you. I can't live without you."
"You can, Bella. You have to, for me. Goodbye, Bella. I will always love you!"
"NO! JAKE! NO!"
I jolt upright from the bed, now fully awake. I look around, taking in my surroundings and wipe the sweat - or tears - from my face. I'm in a hospital bed.
What the hell? What happened?
My heart thunders away in my chest and the door opens up. Before anyone has time to enter, I quickly lie back down and watch the door. I don't understand why I'm in a hospital.
Two men walk into the room; the first is young, maybe my age. He is dressed in blue scrubs and looks as though he took a shower recently. His longish, coppery hair is damp and slightly flattened to his head. He stares at me intently, like he can see right through me. His eyes, the color of blue-green tropical waters are piercing, and I have to look away. The second man is older, maybe in his late forties. He wears a lab coat and crisp, gray slacks; he addresses me first.
"Hello, Isabella," he says in a deep, gentle voice.
"Bella." It is the younger man who corrects him and I wonder how he would know to call me that. A bit of redness colors his neck, and he quickly glances away from me and back to the other man. The older man smiles and offers a small nod.
"Yes, her brother said that, didn't he? Hello, Bella. I'm Dr. Oliver Marcus," he says and smiles at me.
"Hi." I stop abruptly and lift my hand up to my burning throat. Why is my voice so raspy? The younger man goes to the sink and fetches a cup of water, returns to my bedside, and hands me the cup.
"Um, thank you," I whisper; I notice it doesn't hurt as badly if I speak softly. "Emmett is here? What's going on?"
The two men look at each other for a moment and the younger one looks back at me.
"Hello, Bella. My name is Dr. Edward Cullen. Is it safe to say that you don't recall anything that happened today?" he asks me.
Cullen? The name rings a bell, but I can't place it. My brain feels so muddled right now. Dr. Cullen looks at me intensely with searching eyes and gives the slightest shake of his head. No? No what?
"No, I don't remember what happened aside from going to the library. I have no idea why I am in a hospital. Could someone please tell me?" I have no recollection as to what happened. I was at the library reading and then woke up here. I obviously lost some time.
"That's fine for now, but I will want to run some tests a little later to make sure that you didn't hit your head when you fell. For now, I will let you be so you can get some rest. I will send the nurse in to do your hourly check, but I think we need to observe you for the night. To answer your question, I believe Dr. Cullen would like to speak to you about that." Dr. Marcus says as he takes out my chart and marks something down on it.
I'm so confused, and ready to protest, when I feel my toe being pinched. I look to the end of the bed, where both men stand and see that Dr. Cullen's hand is closest to my foot. This is all so confusing; I really hate hospitals and why the fuck did he just pinch me? I swallow around the burn in my throat and nod. "Okay, but I want to see my brother."
"That's fine, but Dr. Cullen has some questions for you. When he is finished up he can send your brother in. Oh, and don't forget to ask her what she was chasing, Dr. Cullen," Dr. Marcus says as he walks toward the door.
I suddenly remember running in sand. Before I'm aware of it, I blurt out the answer.
"Memories." It comes out in a choked sob and Dr. Marcus turns back to me with a raised eyebrow.
"She means a photograph. She was chasing after a photograph," Dr. Cullen quickly responds, and it makes me wonder how he would have any idea, and why he seems to be hiding something.
I nod my head at Dr. Marcus, and he walks out, closing the door to my room behind him. I turn my gaze on Dr. Cullen.
"Who are you?" The question comes out short and a little bitchy, but I want some answers, damnit.
He reaches his hand up, running it through the mop of hair that now looks more bronze than copper in color. It is no longer flattened against his head, but sticks up in mild disarray. "Do you really not remember?" His voice sounds a little raspy as well.
"The only thing I remember is running, since the doctor mentioned it. But there was no photo involved. I do remember that," I tell him, searching his face for answers.
He nods. "I'm not sure you want to remember this. Actually, I'm pretty sure you don't."
And just like that, I remember. Well, I remember the dream and running from the library. I don't remember anything past the feeling of heartbreaking despair. I want to cry, but I don't; I won't. I may be scared, but I'm also pissed off and confused. I just want to go home; I should have never gone out in the first place on such a day. I let myself fall asleep in the library of all places, my sanctuary, but now I know I can't ever go back there.
I look down at my hands, but I don't recognize them. They twist the sheet on the bed as if trying to wring it out; the creases on my hands look angry, red. That explains me right now, angry and red. I'm startled out of my thoughts by another jolt going through me and I jump a little. I feel the pressure on my left shoulder and look over. It's Dr. Cullen's hand, and I glance up into his eyes, seeing concern. A shiver passes over my skin and he quickly removes his heavy hand. I refuse to admit that it actually felt kind of nice, comforting.
"I'm sorry, but you were hyperventilating, and I thought you were going to pass out for a second there." His voice is still raspy, but lower this time, a little more soothing.
I take a deep breath and roll my shoulders a couple of times. This is my calming method.
"Hyperventilating? I didn't notice." I pause and reach for the cup of water, sipping at it. "Okay, so I remember now, but what is this business about a photograph?"
He looks at the door, over to the window, and finally back at me. "Ah, well. If I told them you went into the ocean willingly and just went under water…well, they would have wanted to do a psych evaluation on you. So, I changed the story just a tad, making you fall off the pier."
"Wait, what? What pier? And why would I go swimming in the ocean in January?" Ouch, I need to keep my voice down because my throat is killing me.
"I thought you said you remember?" He says, sounding as confused as I am.
I look over at him, studying his expression. There is confusion written all over his face. "Well, I guess I need to hear your version. There are obviously holes in mine."
Before he has a chance to speak, a nurse walks in and over to my bed. He walks over to the door and stops, turning back to look at me.
"We'll talk more about this later. I'm going to send Emmett in," he says and walks out.
I'm a little annoyed that he didn't just stay and tell me everything. And why is he throwing my brother's name around like they are best buddies or some shit? I'm obviously missing some key information. Why can't I remember anything else?
The nurse asks me some questions: how do I feel, do I need to use the restroom? I'm not sure if I am even answering her with intelligible answers, but she seems satisfied and walks me into the restroom, telling me to holler when I'm finished.
I don't really have to go to the bathroom, so I just stand in front of the sink, with that God awful mirror reflecting a so-called image of me. It's frightening how much it resembles the inside of me at this moment. Utterly lost and empty; if it were possible to pull my head back and look down inside my body, it would be found empty, black. The irony in that doesn't go unnoticed.
My legs begin to wobble a bit so I flush the toilet and wash my hands and face so the nurse thinks I went, and call for her. The cool water is a little refreshing and wakes me up just a bit.
When the door opens up, Emmett is sitting at the end of my bed. He looks like hell and my heart breaks knowing that I am probably the reason he looks this way. He stands up and takes the two short steps to me and pulls me to his chest, slightly crushing me. He sobs, so I sob, because it is me that he sobs for and because I have done this to him. He has been such a great brother and he has been through a lot, too. I am causing him more grief that he doesn't deserve. After the looks that Dr. Cullen had been giving me, I know that this is something of my doing. Emmett's hold on me gets even tighter and I can't breath.
"Em." It comes out breathy, and he immediately lessens his grip, but still holds me close to him.
"Damnit, Bella. Damnit." Emmett says in a voice making him sound like he's close to tears.
His heartbreak sets me off and I begin to cry again, quickly becoming a blubbering mess. I can't stop the heaving, body-wracking wails that come out of me. They hurt my raw throat, but I don't care, and I can't stop. Emmett cries right along with me while rubbing soothing circles on my back.
He walks us over to the bed and pulls himself up onto it and then me up into his lap. I feel like a child, but right now it is the only place I want to be. We don't say anything for a long time while we try to calm our emotions and stifle our cries; the silence is therapeutic. After a while Emmett lets out a little huff and sits up straight, stretching. I do the same as he continues his soothing back circles; I think he is drawing shapes or something.
"When Mom died, I was so mad. Mad at Charlie. It should have been him driving the car that day, but he needed the truck to pick up lumber for your tree house, so Mom took that stupid little car she loved. Part of me was mad at you too, since it was your damn tree house he was buying the wood for. I never told anyone that. I'm not even sure why I'm telling you now. It isn't really relevant. But you should know, the anger goes away," Emmett says as he continues his circles on my back.
"It's a bit different Em...I - " I don't finish as he cuts me off.
"I know that, Bells, but I was older than you. I had a totally different perspective than you did," he says in a pleading tone.
"Yes, as I have a totally different perspective than you do now!" I feel myself getting angry but I don't want to be angry right now. I just want to sit like this with my big brother.
"Ugh. I'm sorry, Em. I know. I'm so glad you're here. But, I need to know what happened. I barely remember anything," I tell him, begging forgiveness.
"Why don't you tell me what you remember first, and then I can fill in the rest. But, for the best details, you should talk to Edward," Emmett replies.
"Edward? Edward who?" I ask in confusion.
"Dr. Edward Cullen, and because he saved your life." Emmett says and pulls my chin toward him. He looks down his nose at me.
Huh.
"What? Saved my life how, and why was he even there?" None of this makes sense.
"Look, all I'm gonna tell you, Bells, is that he was in the library and ran out after you in the torrential downpour. Please, just let him tell you the rest. I don't know if I can handle the telling of this story. It isn't mine to tell anyway. Just let him tell you and be nice. He is a really nice guy, even if I did just meet him," Emmett says as he gives me a big brother look.
I huff and Emmett squeezes me a little bit tighter. I shrug my shoulders, conceding, but I still don't understand it. Any of it. I guess that I will be finding out from Dr. Edward Cullen.
"Em, why does the name Cullen sound so familiar to me? I know the name, but I can't place it." I ask and try to push my mind to remember.
"You don't remember? I guess it was a bit of an emotional and trying time." Emmett begins to massage my shoulders.
I just wait for him to go on. He seems to need a bit of time to form the words.
"Edward's father is Dr. Carlisle Cullen…of Forks. He worked on Charlie when he had the bypass," Emmett says, almost in a whisper.
Recognition hits me and I glance over my shoulder. Emmett nods at me and manages a weak half-smile. I look down and once again find my hands fidgeting, not of my own accord. Emmett starts to play with my hair, already bored of the shoulder massage.
"Wow. This…" my voice drops off.
I don't really know what more to say. Dr. Carlisle Cullen had really worked on my dad. I know he did everything he could to try to save Charlie because when he came out of surgery to tell us how everything had gone, he was crying. And we both knew doctors didn't cry. At least, not in front of their patient's families, and not like that. He actually hiccupped, and before we knew it, Emmett and I were bawling and had Dr. Cullen in our circle hug. After a few minutes he had calmed, and apologized for breaking down and being so unprofessional. But Em and I were both glad that he did; it helped us to really see that he had done everything he could.
My dad and the older Dr. Cullen had known each other quite well. Since Dr. Cullen was the chief of surgery at the hospital in Forks and my dad was the Chief of Police there, they had had quite a few conversations over the years. My dad often found himself at the hospital trying to finish reports and just check on the many people he sent there, whether from accidents or injured law breakers.
"This is totally weird. Why haven't we ever met - or seen - Edward Cullen? He looks to be around my age. Shouldn't we have at least run into him in school or something?" I'm pretty sure I have never seen him until this day.
"Well, oddly enough, no. I think he was some kind of a child prodigy or something close to it. He was in a private school and then actually got his high school diploma in the eighth or ninth grade, then went to college right away. The guy is super smart. Now he is a pediatric cardiologist, I think," Emmett tells me.
"Really? I didn't even know Dr. Cullen had children. I had heard Charlie mention him a few times at home before, but nothing much," I say, thinking back to those conversations with Charlie.
"There are actually two children. He has a younger sister, Alice. Apparently she went to a private school in Seattle, and then went to some design school after that. But get this….Alice is engaged to Jasper, Rose's second cousin," Emmett says and moves around on the bed a little, jostling us around.
"What? Jeez this is confusing. I've never met Jasper or heard much of him, so no more family tree for now, okay?" I ask him, mentally trying to string it together.
Emmett chuckles and ruffles my hair, but then gets really close and up in my face. Here it comes.
"Bella. Sweetie. Don't do this again. Ever! Don't do it to me, or to Rose. I've already lost way too much, and besides my Rosey, you are the most important person in the world to me. I promise, things will get better. I know it takes time and I know that you miss Jake and…" He shakes his head a little. "Give it a little more time, Bell. Please," he pleads with me, not looking away until I give him an answer.
I begin to sob again and Emmett crushes me to him once again. My shoulders heave into his chest. I don't even know what I have done, but I know it must have been really bad.
Emmett gives me one last good squeeze and gets up from the bed. He leans over and kisses the top of my head and walks to the door.
"Do you want to talk to Rose? I know she would love to see you. She's so worried," Emmett says, making it sound more like a demand than an option.
I swallow the bile I feel rising in my throat. Rose is going to be mad at me. Seeing Emmett's reaction to whatever it is I did, I know Rose's is going to be worse. Not only because she loves me, but because Emmett had to go through this. If she is one thing, it is protective.
I nod at Emmett and he leaves, closing the door behind him. I hadn't noticed until now, but the nurse had left at some point. While I wait for Rose, I use the restroom; maybe my nervousness to talk to her is scaring the pee out of me. It's likely. I cross the room to sit in the robin's egg blue recliner that faces the window. It is now dark out and the rain has stopped. The sky has actually cleared up a little bit, but I see dark clouds on the horizon. The sky is too lit up from the lights of Port Angeles to get a good look at the stars, but I can see a few, along with a planet or satellite.
I lose myself in thought for a while as I stare at the sky. Maybe if I can push my brain just a little harder, I can remember what happened, or the thoughts and feelings that pushed me to do whatever I had done will resurface. I remember the dream, and as painful as it is for me to recall it, I have to. I would really like to remember before Dr. Cullen has to tell me. I imagine that couldn't possibly go well, and he said something about a psyche evaluation. That notion really frightens me.
I try some meditative relaxation breathing and attempt counting to no avail. I can't remember anything else that happened. The last thing I remember is running out of the library, and then just feeling cold. That's it.
A throat clears behind me and I quickly turn to look to the door to see Rose. The door is closed, and her back is pushed up against it, leaning, but she isn't looking at me. She stares down at her shoes a few moments and my skin prickles in worry. This is going to be really bad.
We stay like this for several minutes until she finally looks up at me. Her eyes are filled to the brim with tears and they slowly overflow and cascade down her cheeks. I want to go to her and tell her that I'm sorry, but she is in her warrior pose. Her stance is rigid and her shoulders are tight. The only thing I can do is wait, so I do. I look back to the heavens.
Behind me, I hear her pulling something and I turn back around. She sets a folding chair close to the chair I am sitting in, just a few feet away. She leans down to prop her elbows on her knees, and her chin in her hands. Her tears are fewer now, as are mine, and I'm glad. I never meant to hurt her, or anyone for that matter. I watch her, waiting for her to speak.
"I know you think I am going to totally go off on you, Bella. And God knows I want to. But, I also know that you are going through some really horrible shit right now. And it's awful. I know that I can't feel what you feel right now, but I do understand, honey. You can't do this, though; you can't keep going on like this. What you are doing and have been doing for the last year is not life. Not at all," Rose says, her eyes staring into my black soul.
She looks away from me and to the sky that I was lost in moments before. She sighs and looks back to me.
"Emmett said that you don't remember what happened. I don't want to believe that, but I do. You should remember - you need to remember - but I also know that it won't be much longer before you do know. I don't know what it's going to do to you, to hear what happened. It's ugly, but we love you and that won't ever change. Just...quit being stupid. What you did today…that's not you, Bella. Whether or not you know it, you are a fighter. Don't ever stop!" Rose says animatedly.
My tears come back in full force, and I wonder if it is possible for the ducts to dry out. Obviously not. Rose isn't just talking about what happened today. She's talking about the entire last year. She has gone that long without ever truly saying what she wanted, and obviously today was the last straw for her, because she's laying it all out on me. I don't blame her, but it makes the hole in me a little rawer around the edges.
"Ouch!" I look down to see Rose's fingers pinching my forearm. I look up to her face and see that she is smirking at me.
"You deserve that and you know it. Well, maybe you don't know it yet, but you will soon." She stands up and puts her hands on her hips, getting defensive again.
"Damnit. I love you Bella. But quit being so fucking stupid about everything! You need to wake up already," Rose says to me, pointing her index finger in my direction.
I jump out of my chair at her and wrap her in my arms. She gives a little umpf, but catches me and somehow, I'm sitting in Rose's lap now. She laughs a little, and a sad giggle bubbles out of me. She hugs me tight, almost as tight as Emmett, and I just sit there for a second or two before finally getting up.
She stands and kisses me on the cheek, then walks over to the door and pulls it open.
"I love you, sweetie, but you need to start living again. Jake would want it," Rose says quietly.
With that, she turns and walks out the door, pulling it closed behind her.
I collapse back into her little folding chair; my head feels too heavy, so I let it hang and my hair becomes a curtain around my head.
I go back into the bathroom after a minute and splash more cold water on my face. My eyes are really beginning to burn from all this crying. I go back to the ugly blue recliner, falling into it, and close my eyes.
I see myself sleeping at home in our bed. But I hear a loud noise and it awakens me. Jake is no longer beside me, and his spot is cold, so he must have been up for a while.
I climb out of bed and grab my robe from the bathroom door hook before I go down stairs to look for him. I notice the clock on the wall of our bedroom says 9:30 a.m., which means I have slept much later than usual. If he was going to visit Billy, why didn't he wake me? He usually does since that is the typical way he spends his Saturdays. He visits Billy in the morning, and is back home by lunch time, and then we do whatever we feel or have planned.
I make my way to the kitchen first, and there is no coffee brewed, which makes this morning even more odd. Jake cannot function without at least two cups of black tar coffee. Hmm. Maybe he is in the garage. I get the coffee brewing and slip my slippers on my feet to go out to the garage. I open up the door to the attached garage, but it is dark, and the radio is not on. Jake always has the radio on when working on the car or one of the bikes. I flip the light on to see if his car is even in the garage. It isn't, but the garage looks off, like there is something missing. It takes me a bit to figure it out, but then I realize it's the motorcycle. His motorcycle is gone.
I go back in the house and look out of the kitchen window. It's raining out and the outdoor weather thermometer says it is only 51 degrees. He wouldn't take the bike out in this weather.
I walk into the living room and the television is off, as well as the lights, so I head back to the office. He's not there. I head back up stairs and use the restroom, and then walk to the end of the hall to check the guest room.
I open the door to darkness. It doesn't make sense as this is usually the brightest room in the house in the morning. I feel a tickling on my abdomen, and reach to flick the light on. The room is filled with black beetles, scurrying around. My breathing hitches, and then accelerates, and I feel the tickle in my stomach again. I look down.
I see all the beetles are coming out of a gash on my stomach and let out a blood curdling scream.
I feel myself being shaken awake.
It takes a long time for me to actually open my eyes but when I do, I am staring into the worried, green eyes of Dr. Edward Cullen.
Chapter 2
Bella is nervous about the prospect of a new job, especially under the circumstances of how she came across the opportunity. But, an opportunity is an opportunity, and she can’t pass it by.
Bella never had been the type of girl to get all frilled up; most of her wardrobe consisted of jeans and t-shirts. She occasionally wears skirts and blouses when it is required of her, but she mainly choose to stay casual. Besides, most of her "dress-up clothes" leave her feeling more like an old lady than a twenty-something-year-old. She curls the last strand of her long hair with the curling iron and unplugs it from the outlet.
Bella looks in the mirror one last time before she walks out of the bathroom, fidgeting with the tattered hem of her shirt. "That'll have to be good enough." She speaks to herself through the mirror and shrugs her shoulders. She received a text from Rose earlier in the day detailing her on what time she should arrive for work and what type of attire she should wear. Rose told her to dress comfortably, so here she stands, in her holey skinny jeans, her Chucks and an old t-shirt she picked up from Goodwill that is so old it is a bit worn through.
She moves through her apartment to make sure she turned off the TV and any other appliances. She grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and makes her way to the front door. Grabbing her corduroy shoulder bag and keys, she locks the door and lets herself out of the apartment.
On the walk to the bar, Bella thinks back to three nights ago, to the night she met Rose. Bella had always been a 'made for a man' kinda girl. She never thought of experimenting in college or after, for that matter. What happened with Rose was completely spontaneous and totally out of character for her. It was exactly what she needed. She and Rose had not gotten together since that first night, hadn't even spoken on the phone, but here she is, on her way to a new job and working for Rose.
Bella can’t help but worry that it might be weird working for Rose and is a bit confused about what comes next. She doesn’t know anything about Rose, and curses herself for not asking nearly enough questions. With everything happening so fast, there hadn’t really been time to. She knows both in her heart and her mind that if she'd had the time to think it all through, it never would have happened.
As Bella walks to her new job, she wonders what will come of her and Rose. Will they become friends? Is what happened three nights ago the first and last time that kind of contact will ever happen between the two of them? Does she want more? Does Rose want more? They are going to have to have a talk.
Before Bella turns the corner, to walk just a few more steps to the bar, she pauses, steeling herself. She takes a few deep breaths and once again, straightens her shirt out and turns the corner. The moment of truth is upon her.
It is a Tuesday evening - a slower night for the club - so there is no one at the door to allow her entrance or check her ID this time. Bella pulls open the heavy, blood-red door and steps through. The music in the club is loud, like the last time she was here, and the lights are dim. Strobe lights move over the dance floor where a few bodies sway to the music and into one another. Bella takes another deep breath and heads toward the bar.
There are only a few people, mostly women, who sit at the bar. Angela leans against the bar at the far end but notices Bella as soon as she is in sight. Angela holds up a finger to the woman she is speaking to and gives her a charismatic, yet flirty smile. She makes her way over to Bella.
"Hi! Bella, right? How are you? Rose said you would be in tonight." Angela beams at Bella and tosses her long, black hair over her shoulder.
"Hi, Angela. I'm good, thanks for asking. Rose said for me to come in tonight, and I have no idea where to go. Is she here?" Bella is beyond nervous and wonders if Angela is able to decipher anything in what she just said.
"First off, it's Ang or Angie. Only my mom calls me Angela. Ick. And Rose is in the office, let me show you," Ang says as she lifts the bar divider and steps out from behind it. She walks in front of Bella and down a hall to the right; Bella quickly follows her.
Ang knocks once and opens the door, ushering Bella inside with a light push on her lower back.
"Rosie, she's all yours,” Ang says to Rose. Ang turns and winks at Bella, then goes back out the door.
Bella stands rigid with her back up against the door, nervous, and wonders if Rose can hear her breathing loudly or the way her heart beats manically in her chest. Bella looks around the small, cluttered office and everywhere else but at Rose.
"Are you going to avoid looking at me all night or what?" Rose is the first to speak, breaking the deafening silence.
Bella finally turns her gaze to Rose, who wears an amused smile on her perfect mouth. Bella feels the smile slowly stretch across her own face and shakes her head. "No, I'm not. That would be hard to do; you're like a beacon in the room."
Bella can't be sure, but she thinks she sees a bit of a blush rise across Rose's sharp cheek bones and down her neck, into the collar of her shirt. She feels pride that she is the cause of that blush.
Rose stands from her chair and walks around to the front of her desk and leans against it. She folds her arms across her chest, "This isn't going to be weird Bella. I won't let it. What happened between us was great. Actually, it was fucking fantastic and I don't regret it for a second. To be honest, I haven't stopped thinking about you. Let's just have fun, okay? Can we do that?"
Bella is relieved and smiles widely at Rose. This is what she had fretted about for three full days and Rose laid it all out for the both of them without Bella even having to say anything. Bella wants to have fun, and she wants this job to work. She nods at Rose, "We can definitely do that, Rose."
Rose smiles, "Good. Okay, so I know that I said book work and computer shit, but would you mind learning the front too? Chances are you won't ever have to work up there, but just in case. You can say no, of course, but it could be kind of fun for you. Besides, it would teach you to loosen up a bit."
Bella thinks about that for a second. Can she bartend? Better yet, does she want to? Fuck yeah she does. "That would actually be kind of awesome, Rose. I'd love to."
"Kick ass, Cookie," Rose smirks.
"Cookie?" Bella asks. A pet name she thinks and shudders a little. Tyler had given her a pet name, but it was a terrible one that made no sense: Booba. Bella still has no idea where the fuck he came up with such a horrific name for her.
"Ang called you Cookie the Bookie when I told her you were going to start on here. It kind of stuck," Rose explains to Bella as she begins to clear a space around the computer where Bella can work. "She meant nothing by it, only as an endearment."
Bella chuckles. "It's okay." She pauses and looks around, "So, is it okay to pick things up in here, or is this, like, an organized mess or something?"
"HA-HA. No, you can clean, if you really want to. Actually, if you do, I will give you a lovely surprise." Rose replies back and then licks her lips at Bella. "Listen, I need to get up front for a few minutes. Just hop on the computer and see what you find. I left a list on the notepad beside the mouse of file names and passwords for you. I'll be back in twenty minutes or so."
Rose walks to the door and yanks it open, but before she walks through it, she stops and looks back at Bella. "A friend of mine is stopping by tonight. I want you to meet him, if you don't mind?"
Bella bites her lip, and Rose sees her hesitation, "He is a true friend of mine Bella, he doesn't judge."
Bella nods at Rose, "Okay, I trust you, like I said."
Rose smiles and walks through the door. She closes it behind her and leaves Bella to get acquainted with the computer and the programs she will be using.
Out in the club area, Rose hops behind the bar to help Ang out as the crowd begins to thicken. It is nothing like the crowds she sees Thursday through Saturday, but it is enough to keep her cousin busy and just barely on top of the next order.
"Need some help, Ang?" Rose asks as she immediately begins to replenish the bottles on display. She reaches into one of the cupboards that sits below the display and searches for another bottle of Cuervo. Rose hears a whistle behind her. God, she hates that. She finally locates the bottle and extracts her head from the cupboard. She doesn’t face the patrons yet as she places the bottle in its designated spot.
She hears a throat clear behind her. "Excuse me, Miss, but I couldn't help but notice your fine ass." The voice is deep and smooth, velvety.
Ignoring the jerk, she walks to the cooler and pulls out a bottle of beer and pops the top off. She walks back over to the voice, the man.
Rose sets the bottle down in front of the one man in her club tonight. "You know, you're damn lucky I love you Edward, if you had been any other motherfucker, male or female, I would have busted your head open!"
At this, the man, Edward, lets out a hearty laugh and shakes his head at Rose. "Always the charmer, Rosalie." A large smile breaks across his face, and Rose rolls her eyes at him.
"I turn it on just for you. The switch is in my panties." Rose smiles at him and moves off to take a couple of orders. After she helps Ang out for a bit, the crowd disperses, allowing Rose to fetch a beer for herself. She moves around to the other side of the bar and stands beside Edward.
"You're here a little earlier than usual, Edward. Plans fall through for today?" Rose asks, truly curious.
Edward has been Rose's good friend for many years. They tell each other everything, and it would be a lie if she said that they haven’t ever been together. In actuality, they are together quite frequently, but have somehow managed to never let it ruin their friendship. Edward had had a date set up for earlier in the day. That is a rule of his: always plan first dates in the afternoon. Good lighting is on your side and for the most part, it keeps you safe from getting groped. It also keeps the kisses from getting too heated when he doesn’t want them to. Not that Edward offers kisses very often, but that doesn’t mean that his dates don’t try to steal them from him anyway.
"Oh Christ. She was frightening, that one. I think she had recently gotten Botox or something, her lips were ridiculously fat and she had a hard time speaking around them. She couldn't have been more than twenty-four either. I spent most of the date either deciphering what she had said through her blow-job lips or attempting to contain my laughter and not piss myself. Truly terrifying, really." Edward shakes his head as he remembers his date with-as he now calls her-Luscious Lips Lauren. Luscious in that sense, is just not good, though.
"Awww. Poor Eddie." Rose ruffles his hair as he pinches her in the side and swats her ass. He is the only man Rose allows to do that to her.
"So when do I get to meet the girl, Rose?" Edward has heard all about this woman that had accidentally stumbled into Rose's club and had taken Rose home. After Rose had left the girl's place three days ago, she had immediately called Edward and unloaded the whole story on him. Truth be told, he has never heard her gush the way she had that day. Part of him is ecstatic for her, the other part, a little jealous. He has always tried so hard to help Rose get over her pleasure barrier with men and with women, too, for that matter. He thought he had been getting close, but it doesn’t matter now. This girl has knocked Rose's world off its axis and left her spiraling into God-knows-where.
Rose says something, breaking Edward from his inner musings, "I'm giving her some time to adjust in the back and get a feel for the programs. I'll go get her in a little while."
Rose and Edward continue to talk for a while about random topics. Sometimes about Bella but mostly not. They are oblivious to the newcomer that walks through the door and plants himself on a barstool four seats down from them.
He orders a beer and sits, watching the sexy blonde talk to the brown-haired guy. The blonde laughs at something the guy says, tipping her head back as she laughs. He feels his dick twitch.
He clears his throat and summons the petite bartender, "Can I get another?"
As he waits for his beer he looks around the establishment. All fucking chicks. Save for him and the brown-haired dude talking to the statuesque blonde...who is now staring at him. He nods his head in a hello and she turns her attention back to the dude. When the bartender finally comes back, he asks her, "Excuse me, but do you know if Bella is here?"
The bartender looks to the blonde and the blonde looks at him again, this time she pays him more attention.
"Rose?" The bartender addresses the blonde but still keeps her gaze on him.
The blonde moves from around the other guy and walks over to him. "What's your name? Bella didn't say she was expecting anyone." She flicks her long honey-hair over her shoulder.
The man swallows thickly and feels his dick twitch again, harder this time. "You can tell her Emmett is here." 'Rose' smirks at him and walks off, down a hall. Emmett looks over to the only other dude in the place, who stares at him, but nods a hello. Emmett takes a swig of his beer and turns back to face the liquor bottles in the bar display.
Down the hall, Rose raps once on the office door before she opens it and lets herself in. "How are things coming along, Bella?" Rose sits down in a chair across from Bella and crosses one leg over the other.
Bella notices Rose's long legs that are covered in skin-tight skinny jeans and end with black stilettos. When she reaches Rose's face, she sees the smirk the woman’s face holds, and she feels the blush rise up her neck. "You've got the wrong programs. Things could run so much smoother, and you could do so much more with the business and the books with other programs that I have used before. You should think about it."
Bella worries that maybe she has overstepped her boundaries after saying that. This isn’t her business, but it’s the truth and figures Rose will appreciate it.
"Write it down and I'll get it. Doesn't make sense to have crappy or antiquated systems. Thanks for the tip." Rose smiles and walks around to stand behind Bella. "There is someone asking for you at the bar, a big guy. Says his name is Emmett. You expecting anyone or should I kick him out?"
Bella jumps up out of the chair and nearly knocks Rose over in her excitement. "Shit, sorry, Rose. Don't kick him out, I'm expecting him. He's here a little early, though."
Bella hears Rose mumble something about a bad date and gets confused, but Rose shrugs her off. "You'll see soon enough. Come on out and talk to your friend, I have a friend here that I want you to meet, anyway."
Rose walks to the door and opens it. She looks back to see Bella pulling at her shirt and looking a little shy. "What's the matter, Cookie?"
Bella blushes once again, "I didn't know I'd be meeting anyone, or that I'd be out in the front area, I'm not really dressed for it." She feels self-conscious.
Rose shakes her head at Bella and puts a finger under her chin, pushing her face up so Bella will look her in the eyes. "What did I tell you? I said to dress in whatever makes you comfortable. If that is this..." Rose motions to Bella's outfit, "...then it's perfect."
Rose throws her arm around Bella's shoulders and pulls her through the door. The two women walk down the hall and emerge into the club area. Next to the bar, both men, Edward and Emmett, are staring at them. Lust swims in their eyes.
Rose drops her arm from Bella's shoulders and goes back over by Edward, while Bella walks toward Emmett. Bella wraps her arms around him and gives the large man a hug. "Thanks for coming, Em, it means a lot to me."
Emmett smiles at her, "Of course I came, you asked me to." He gives Bella a peck on the nose and looks in her eyes. "You gonna introduce me to your new boss?"
Bella smiles at him and turns toward Rose, "Rose, this is my good friend, Emmett. Emmett, this is Rose, my...erm...boss." She doesn’t really know what to say-boss, girlfriend, bi-sexual lover? Oh God. She has to lock her fingers together behind her back to keep from slapping herself in the forehead; it is such a weird situation.
Emmett stands up and offers his hand to Rose; she takes it and gives a strong shake. Emmett is impressed and even more turned on.
"Pleasure to meet you, Rose,” Emmett has his charm turned on full-scale and the needle is in the red.
"Likewise, Emmett," Rose may have batted her eyelashes at him, just a tad. She quickly drops Emmett's strong, warm grasp and turns toward Bella. "Bella, this is Edward. Edward, Bella...and Emmett." Rose motions between Bella and Emmett.
Edward stands to shake Emmett's hand first, as he is closer to him, then turns to Bella. He takes Bella's hand and something long, dead and forgotten in him stirs. He can’t explain it; it is like a hole in his chest that he never knew existed is suddenly filled, complete once again. He clears his throat, unsure of how long he has been holding the woman's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella."
A smile lights Bella's face, "It's very nice to meet you, too, Edward."
Rose watches the two of them and thinks that maybe she should be jealous of them, or angry. She has never seen that look on Edward's face, ever, but the more she sees it, the more she likes it there. That look belongs on his face, that look of almost...completeness. It confuses her, but she doesn’t say anything, she needs to study it.
"Why don't we grab a table?" Rose ushers the group over to a table and looks back at Ang. She puts her hand in the air and circles it, asking for a round. Rose turns back around and sits at the table in the last available seat between Emmett and Edward, and across from Bella. Perfect.
Rose has always been a watcher. Growing up, she had seen so much, too much. She had been burned by her first impressions of people and quickly learned that she couldn't dive into any kind of a relationship with a person until she truly knew them, whether for friendship or sex. Even then, once she thought she knew their ins and outs, Rose still felt the need to take precautions to protect herself. As a child, many times over she had made the mistake of trusting people too quickly. Rose's mother was of a promiscuous brand and often brought home new men; it was expected of Rose by her mother to automatically feel comfortable with “Uncle Marcus”, “Uncle Tommy” or “Uncle Jaime.” Rose made the mistake of trusting her so-called mother to take care of her and protect her, so Rose trusted the men that traipsed through her life like a parade. It was a mistake. It was her own mother where Rose went wrong to begin with; she should have been able to have faith in the woman that birthed her; a mother was supposed to love unconditionally and never harm or judge. Believing this, Rose gave her trust without question, which was the biggest mistake of her young life.
Rose already knows she can trust Bella, without a doubt, which for her is something entirely foreign. That first night when Bella had given herself so fully over to Rose, Rose knew she was special. Part of her was scared for Bella, that Bella trusted others so easily to be gentle with her and not harm her; Rose found herself wanting to protect Bella. Rose already cares for the woman a great deal, but what are they getting themselves into?
What Rose also notices as the group sits at the table talking is Edward, and the way he keeps sneaking peeks at Bella. Rose had a feeling that he would be attracted to Bella, but normally, Edward is the type to completely ignore looks. With Edward, looks mean nothing if a woman lacks brains and confidence...not that Bella lacks any of those. Actually, just the opposite, but Edward doesn’t know that. Something else that Rose is trying to figure out, is who the bear of a man that Bella invited to the club is. Could Bella and he possibly have a relationship? Or have they been together in the past? Rose finds it hard to say yes due to the massive difference in size between the two. Emmett is huge; it wouldn't take much for him to break Bella.
Rose is interrupted from her inner musings by Emmett asking her a question. "So, Rosalie, this is your place then?"
Emmett is genuinely intrigued with Rosalie; he has never seen a woman as gorgeous as her in all his life...and he means ALL his life. The second he walked into the all-female club he saw her with her golden hair and legs for days. The fact that she speaks mostly to the other guy, who is attractive in appearance, doesn’t matter to him one bit. The fact that Rosalie, or Rose as Bella and the other man are calling her, owns this place only makes her more interesting to him. Rose doesn’t look like the average all-female club owner...not that there is a type, but if he had seen her anywhere else, he never would’ve put her in this scenario. Emmett feels like things are going to get very interesting.
"Yes, Emmett, this is my place. I opened it about three years ago, and it has really taken off. I'm a bit slow Monday through Wednesday, but that is typical for dance-type clubs during the work-week. It tends to pick up on Thursdays, like any other bar." Rose takes a swig of her beer and sets it down on the table, offering Emmett her attention.
"If you don't mind me asking, why an all-female club? Are you a lesbian?" Emmett is never one to mince his words, and he doesn’t feel that he should start now.
Rose snorts, then looks over at Edward; all eyes are now on her, waiting to see her reaction. Normally, with anyone else she would’ve gotten pissed, but for some reason, with Emmett she finds it amusing. She begins to laugh and quickly takes another pull from her beer.
"Ah, no. I'm not a lesbian, per-se, Emmett, although I'm not exactly shy around the ladies either." Rose looks over at Bella, "Am I, Bella?"
Bella feels herself grow crimson as all eyes at the table fall on her. "Wow, I think it's time for another round!" Bella responds and quickly shoots out of her chair, walking off toward the bar to fetch another round.
"Shit. I shouldn't have done that. I'll be right back gentlemen." Rose excuses herself and quickly hurries off to the bar to do damage control. She didn’t think of how it would make Bella feel to be called out like that, especially in front of her friend who may or may not have known about Bella's “wild” side.
As Rose walks off, the men watch the two women walk away. Edward clears his throat, "So, that was quite the bomb that was dropped just now, wouldn't you say? Leave it to Rose, though." He shakes his head and chuckles.
"How so? I've only just met her and Bella hasn't told me anything about her...or what happened between the two of them, which is obviously something." Emmett wants more information, but just as Edward is about to say something, his jaw drops down to the floor. Emmett follows his dumbfounded gaze to the dance floor.
In the middle of the now crowded dance floor, Rose pulls Bella by the hand closer to her body. They both need to let off some of the steam that has been building between the two of them all evening. It is to be expected, considering what has happened between them, and then to have their closest friends here to witness it makes it all so much more real. Not that real is bad. Rose needs real, and Bella is very real. They aren’t exactly ready for it to be public, which it now is, but they will deal with it.
Out of nowhere, a finger taps Bella's shoulder. She turns her head to see Emmett standing just at her shoulder with an unfamiliar look in his eyes. "Mind if I cut in, ladies?" Emmett asks, looking between the two women. Bella looks back to Rose, smiles, and allows Emmett to take Rose's place on the dance floor. As they both begin to move to the music, Bella thinks she should say something, but what she should say, she has no idea.
"You know that I would never judge you. Don't you, Bella? I mean, I know your not full-fledged gay, because I've been with you, and you can't enjoy sex with a man that much and then just completely switch teams," Emmett pauses, waiting for Bella to say something. She doesn't. With a heavy sigh, Emmett continues, "So have you switched teams, or are you just sticking your toe in and testing the water? I gotta say, if you are going to switch for her..." Emmett motions over his shoulder toward the table, where Rose sits with Edward, chatting, "...then I don't blame you. She's hoooootttt!"
Bella pinches Emmett right on the nipple and he winces, "Mmmm, Baby, do that again."
Bella laughs and shakes her head at Emmett, "You are the same as always, Emmett. Such a ladies man...or a man whore. It's one of the two." Emmett smiles at her and waits for her to continue. "I honestly don't know how it happened, Em. I accidentally walked into this place. Really, I just needed to get drunk, forget myself for a little while, ya know? And then somehow, I ended up with Rose in my bed...and I liked it. No, I fucking loved it. But I'm just sampling from the tray. I know that I want to be with a man, it's just that, lately, my record with men hasn't been so swell." Bella looks up at Emmett, surprised at what she sees.
The smile that is plastered across Emmett's face makes his eyes shine, he chuckles, "That's fucking hot, Bella. Seriously. Can I watch? Please?"
Bella laughs and shoves Emmett's shoulder just as Rose re-appears next to them. "My turn again, big guy."
Emmett rolls his eyes and leans down to whisper in Bella's ear, "Please?" He turns, walks back to the table, and orders another beer.
Bella begins to sway with Rose and just lets the music and the beautiful woman in front of her lead the way. She has so many things racing through her mind, fighting for attention. She cares for Rose, is attracted to her, but she isn’t sure if she wants Emmett to see it and know of it. And then there is Edward. Something in her sparked when she first saw and spoke to him. It scares her to death because he is Rose's friend, and she doesn’t know what kind of relationship Rose and he have. What if it is actually kind of serious? Bella can’t begin to think about what it would do to Rose if she wants Edward. It is all so confusing. She doesn’t know what to say to Rose, so she says nothing. She just dances.
Rose lifts her hand and tucks a strand of Bella's long hair behind her ear. "I'm going to kiss you Bella. I'm going to kiss you in front of Emmett and in front of Edward and in front of all of these other women. Trust me, okay?" Rose looks at Bella, stares straight into her eyes and wordlessly begs for her trust.
Bella looks over at the table where their two male admirers sit, their mouths agape. Bella giggles and looks back at Rose; she reaches her hand up to the back of Rose's head and pulls her head down. Bella kisses those sexy, pouty lips in front of all who care to see. She kisses Rose with the passion she has felt for her since that first night, along with the confusion that plagues her. Bella kisses. She just kisses, and Rose kisses her back with as much fervor.
The two women break away from each other, panting from their long and sensual kiss. Rose leans her forehead against Bella's as they continue to sway and grind against each other a bit. When the song ends, they both walk back to the table with their hands linked together.
Rose and Bella approach the men, who both sit with their legs crossed and with looks of lust in their eyes. If anyone dares to look at their crotches, they will see massive bulges to show how turned on they are.
Rose smiles and asks, "So, you guys want to go to my place?"
Then men stand so fast they knock their chairs over. At once, both Emmett and Edward reply, "Let's go!"
The four-some leave the bar and decide to walk the six blocks to Rose's place. Edward and Emmett walk ahead of Rose and Bella, chatting and getting to know each other. Rose and Bella keep back a bit, remaining silent for most of the walk. Rose finally breaks their silence, "So, did you tell Emmett?"
Bella doesn't respond right away, but as they walk under a street lamp, Rose gets a good look at Bella's face and sees the devious smile there. Bella looks up from the sidewalk and glances at Rose, "Yeah, and he wants to watch."
Bella is nervous about the prospect of a new job, especially under the circumstances of how she came across the opportunity. But, an opportunity is an opportunity, and she can’t pass it by.
Bella never had been the type of girl to get all frilled up; most of her wardrobe consisted of jeans and t-shirts. She occasionally wears skirts and blouses when it is required of her, but she mainly choose to stay casual. Besides, most of her "dress-up clothes" leave her feeling more like an old lady than a twenty-something-year-old. She curls the last strand of her long hair with the curling iron and unplugs it from the outlet.
Bella looks in the mirror one last time before she walks out of the bathroom, fidgeting with the tattered hem of her shirt. "That'll have to be good enough." She speaks to herself through the mirror and shrugs her shoulders. She received a text from Rose earlier in the day detailing her on what time she should arrive for work and what type of attire she should wear. Rose told her to dress comfortably, so here she stands, in her holey skinny jeans, her Chucks and an old t-shirt she picked up from Goodwill that is so old it is a bit worn through.
She moves through her apartment to make sure she turned off the TV and any other appliances. She grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and makes her way to the front door. Grabbing her corduroy shoulder bag and keys, she locks the door and lets herself out of the apartment.
On the walk to the bar, Bella thinks back to three nights ago, to the night she met Rose. Bella had always been a 'made for a man' kinda girl. She never thought of experimenting in college or after, for that matter. What happened with Rose was completely spontaneous and totally out of character for her. It was exactly what she needed. She and Rose had not gotten together since that first night, hadn't even spoken on the phone, but here she is, on her way to a new job and working for Rose.
Bella can’t help but worry that it might be weird working for Rose and is a bit confused about what comes next. She doesn’t know anything about Rose, and curses herself for not asking nearly enough questions. With everything happening so fast, there hadn’t really been time to. She knows both in her heart and her mind that if she'd had the time to think it all through, it never would have happened.
As Bella walks to her new job, she wonders what will come of her and Rose. Will they become friends? Is what happened three nights ago the first and last time that kind of contact will ever happen between the two of them? Does she want more? Does Rose want more? They are going to have to have a talk.
Before Bella turns the corner, to walk just a few more steps to the bar, she pauses, steeling herself. She takes a few deep breaths and once again, straightens her shirt out and turns the corner. The moment of truth is upon her.
It is a Tuesday evening - a slower night for the club - so there is no one at the door to allow her entrance or check her ID this time. Bella pulls open the heavy, blood-red door and steps through. The music in the club is loud, like the last time she was here, and the lights are dim. Strobe lights move over the dance floor where a few bodies sway to the music and into one another. Bella takes another deep breath and heads toward the bar.
There are only a few people, mostly women, who sit at the bar. Angela leans against the bar at the far end but notices Bella as soon as she is in sight. Angela holds up a finger to the woman she is speaking to and gives her a charismatic, yet flirty smile. She makes her way over to Bella.
"Hi! Bella, right? How are you? Rose said you would be in tonight." Angela beams at Bella and tosses her long, black hair over her shoulder.
"Hi, Angela. I'm good, thanks for asking. Rose said for me to come in tonight, and I have no idea where to go. Is she here?" Bella is beyond nervous and wonders if Angela is able to decipher anything in what she just said.
"First off, it's Ang or Angie. Only my mom calls me Angela. Ick. And Rose is in the office, let me show you," Ang says as she lifts the bar divider and steps out from behind it. She walks in front of Bella and down a hall to the right; Bella quickly follows her.
Ang knocks once and opens the door, ushering Bella inside with a light push on her lower back.
"Rosie, she's all yours,” Ang says to Rose. Ang turns and winks at Bella, then goes back out the door.
Bella stands rigid with her back up against the door, nervous, and wonders if Rose can hear her breathing loudly or the way her heart beats manically in her chest. Bella looks around the small, cluttered office and everywhere else but at Rose.
"Are you going to avoid looking at me all night or what?" Rose is the first to speak, breaking the deafening silence.
Bella finally turns her gaze to Rose, who wears an amused smile on her perfect mouth. Bella feels the smile slowly stretch across her own face and shakes her head. "No, I'm not. That would be hard to do; you're like a beacon in the room."
Bella can't be sure, but she thinks she sees a bit of a blush rise across Rose's sharp cheek bones and down her neck, into the collar of her shirt. She feels pride that she is the cause of that blush.
Rose stands from her chair and walks around to the front of her desk and leans against it. She folds her arms across her chest, "This isn't going to be weird Bella. I won't let it. What happened between us was great. Actually, it was fucking fantastic and I don't regret it for a second. To be honest, I haven't stopped thinking about you. Let's just have fun, okay? Can we do that?"
Bella is relieved and smiles widely at Rose. This is what she had fretted about for three full days and Rose laid it all out for the both of them without Bella even having to say anything. Bella wants to have fun, and she wants this job to work. She nods at Rose, "We can definitely do that, Rose."
Rose smiles, "Good. Okay, so I know that I said book work and computer shit, but would you mind learning the front too? Chances are you won't ever have to work up there, but just in case. You can say no, of course, but it could be kind of fun for you. Besides, it would teach you to loosen up a bit."
Bella thinks about that for a second. Can she bartend? Better yet, does she want to? Fuck yeah she does. "That would actually be kind of awesome, Rose. I'd love to."
"Kick ass, Cookie," Rose smirks.
"Cookie?" Bella asks. A pet name she thinks and shudders a little. Tyler had given her a pet name, but it was a terrible one that made no sense: Booba. Bella still has no idea where the fuck he came up with such a horrific name for her.
"Ang called you Cookie the Bookie when I told her you were going to start on here. It kind of stuck," Rose explains to Bella as she begins to clear a space around the computer where Bella can work. "She meant nothing by it, only as an endearment."
Bella chuckles. "It's okay." She pauses and looks around, "So, is it okay to pick things up in here, or is this, like, an organized mess or something?"
"HA-HA. No, you can clean, if you really want to. Actually, if you do, I will give you a lovely surprise." Rose replies back and then licks her lips at Bella. "Listen, I need to get up front for a few minutes. Just hop on the computer and see what you find. I left a list on the notepad beside the mouse of file names and passwords for you. I'll be back in twenty minutes or so."
Rose walks to the door and yanks it open, but before she walks through it, she stops and looks back at Bella. "A friend of mine is stopping by tonight. I want you to meet him, if you don't mind?"
Bella bites her lip, and Rose sees her hesitation, "He is a true friend of mine Bella, he doesn't judge."
Bella nods at Rose, "Okay, I trust you, like I said."
Rose smiles and walks through the door. She closes it behind her and leaves Bella to get acquainted with the computer and the programs she will be using.
Out in the club area, Rose hops behind the bar to help Ang out as the crowd begins to thicken. It is nothing like the crowds she sees Thursday through Saturday, but it is enough to keep her cousin busy and just barely on top of the next order.
"Need some help, Ang?" Rose asks as she immediately begins to replenish the bottles on display. She reaches into one of the cupboards that sits below the display and searches for another bottle of Cuervo. Rose hears a whistle behind her. God, she hates that. She finally locates the bottle and extracts her head from the cupboard. She doesn’t face the patrons yet as she places the bottle in its designated spot.
She hears a throat clear behind her. "Excuse me, Miss, but I couldn't help but notice your fine ass." The voice is deep and smooth, velvety.
Ignoring the jerk, she walks to the cooler and pulls out a bottle of beer and pops the top off. She walks back over to the voice, the man.
Rose sets the bottle down in front of the one man in her club tonight. "You know, you're damn lucky I love you Edward, if you had been any other motherfucker, male or female, I would have busted your head open!"
At this, the man, Edward, lets out a hearty laugh and shakes his head at Rose. "Always the charmer, Rosalie." A large smile breaks across his face, and Rose rolls her eyes at him.
"I turn it on just for you. The switch is in my panties." Rose smiles at him and moves off to take a couple of orders. After she helps Ang out for a bit, the crowd disperses, allowing Rose to fetch a beer for herself. She moves around to the other side of the bar and stands beside Edward.
"You're here a little earlier than usual, Edward. Plans fall through for today?" Rose asks, truly curious.
Edward has been Rose's good friend for many years. They tell each other everything, and it would be a lie if she said that they haven’t ever been together. In actuality, they are together quite frequently, but have somehow managed to never let it ruin their friendship. Edward had had a date set up for earlier in the day. That is a rule of his: always plan first dates in the afternoon. Good lighting is on your side and for the most part, it keeps you safe from getting groped. It also keeps the kisses from getting too heated when he doesn’t want them to. Not that Edward offers kisses very often, but that doesn’t mean that his dates don’t try to steal them from him anyway.
"Oh Christ. She was frightening, that one. I think she had recently gotten Botox or something, her lips were ridiculously fat and she had a hard time speaking around them. She couldn't have been more than twenty-four either. I spent most of the date either deciphering what she had said through her blow-job lips or attempting to contain my laughter and not piss myself. Truly terrifying, really." Edward shakes his head as he remembers his date with-as he now calls her-Luscious Lips Lauren. Luscious in that sense, is just not good, though.
"Awww. Poor Eddie." Rose ruffles his hair as he pinches her in the side and swats her ass. He is the only man Rose allows to do that to her.
"So when do I get to meet the girl, Rose?" Edward has heard all about this woman that had accidentally stumbled into Rose's club and had taken Rose home. After Rose had left the girl's place three days ago, she had immediately called Edward and unloaded the whole story on him. Truth be told, he has never heard her gush the way she had that day. Part of him is ecstatic for her, the other part, a little jealous. He has always tried so hard to help Rose get over her pleasure barrier with men and with women, too, for that matter. He thought he had been getting close, but it doesn’t matter now. This girl has knocked Rose's world off its axis and left her spiraling into God-knows-where.
Rose says something, breaking Edward from his inner musings, "I'm giving her some time to adjust in the back and get a feel for the programs. I'll go get her in a little while."
Rose and Edward continue to talk for a while about random topics. Sometimes about Bella but mostly not. They are oblivious to the newcomer that walks through the door and plants himself on a barstool four seats down from them.
He orders a beer and sits, watching the sexy blonde talk to the brown-haired guy. The blonde laughs at something the guy says, tipping her head back as she laughs. He feels his dick twitch.
He clears his throat and summons the petite bartender, "Can I get another?"
As he waits for his beer he looks around the establishment. All fucking chicks. Save for him and the brown-haired dude talking to the statuesque blonde...who is now staring at him. He nods his head in a hello and she turns her attention back to the dude. When the bartender finally comes back, he asks her, "Excuse me, but do you know if Bella is here?"
The bartender looks to the blonde and the blonde looks at him again, this time she pays him more attention.
"Rose?" The bartender addresses the blonde but still keeps her gaze on him.
The blonde moves from around the other guy and walks over to him. "What's your name? Bella didn't say she was expecting anyone." She flicks her long honey-hair over her shoulder.
The man swallows thickly and feels his dick twitch again, harder this time. "You can tell her Emmett is here." 'Rose' smirks at him and walks off, down a hall. Emmett looks over to the only other dude in the place, who stares at him, but nods a hello. Emmett takes a swig of his beer and turns back to face the liquor bottles in the bar display.
Down the hall, Rose raps once on the office door before she opens it and lets herself in. "How are things coming along, Bella?" Rose sits down in a chair across from Bella and crosses one leg over the other.
Bella notices Rose's long legs that are covered in skin-tight skinny jeans and end with black stilettos. When she reaches Rose's face, she sees the smirk the woman’s face holds, and she feels the blush rise up her neck. "You've got the wrong programs. Things could run so much smoother, and you could do so much more with the business and the books with other programs that I have used before. You should think about it."
Bella worries that maybe she has overstepped her boundaries after saying that. This isn’t her business, but it’s the truth and figures Rose will appreciate it.
"Write it down and I'll get it. Doesn't make sense to have crappy or antiquated systems. Thanks for the tip." Rose smiles and walks around to stand behind Bella. "There is someone asking for you at the bar, a big guy. Says his name is Emmett. You expecting anyone or should I kick him out?"
Bella jumps up out of the chair and nearly knocks Rose over in her excitement. "Shit, sorry, Rose. Don't kick him out, I'm expecting him. He's here a little early, though."
Bella hears Rose mumble something about a bad date and gets confused, but Rose shrugs her off. "You'll see soon enough. Come on out and talk to your friend, I have a friend here that I want you to meet, anyway."
Rose walks to the door and opens it. She looks back to see Bella pulling at her shirt and looking a little shy. "What's the matter, Cookie?"
Bella blushes once again, "I didn't know I'd be meeting anyone, or that I'd be out in the front area, I'm not really dressed for it." She feels self-conscious.
Rose shakes her head at Bella and puts a finger under her chin, pushing her face up so Bella will look her in the eyes. "What did I tell you? I said to dress in whatever makes you comfortable. If that is this..." Rose motions to Bella's outfit, "...then it's perfect."
Rose throws her arm around Bella's shoulders and pulls her through the door. The two women walk down the hall and emerge into the club area. Next to the bar, both men, Edward and Emmett, are staring at them. Lust swims in their eyes.
Rose drops her arm from Bella's shoulders and goes back over by Edward, while Bella walks toward Emmett. Bella wraps her arms around him and gives the large man a hug. "Thanks for coming, Em, it means a lot to me."
Emmett smiles at her, "Of course I came, you asked me to." He gives Bella a peck on the nose and looks in her eyes. "You gonna introduce me to your new boss?"
Bella smiles at him and turns toward Rose, "Rose, this is my good friend, Emmett. Emmett, this is Rose, my...erm...boss." She doesn’t really know what to say-boss, girlfriend, bi-sexual lover? Oh God. She has to lock her fingers together behind her back to keep from slapping herself in the forehead; it is such a weird situation.
Emmett stands up and offers his hand to Rose; she takes it and gives a strong shake. Emmett is impressed and even more turned on.
"Pleasure to meet you, Rose,” Emmett has his charm turned on full-scale and the needle is in the red.
"Likewise, Emmett," Rose may have batted her eyelashes at him, just a tad. She quickly drops Emmett's strong, warm grasp and turns toward Bella. "Bella, this is Edward. Edward, Bella...and Emmett." Rose motions between Bella and Emmett.
Edward stands to shake Emmett's hand first, as he is closer to him, then turns to Bella. He takes Bella's hand and something long, dead and forgotten in him stirs. He can’t explain it; it is like a hole in his chest that he never knew existed is suddenly filled, complete once again. He clears his throat, unsure of how long he has been holding the woman's hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Bella."
A smile lights Bella's face, "It's very nice to meet you, too, Edward."
Rose watches the two of them and thinks that maybe she should be jealous of them, or angry. She has never seen that look on Edward's face, ever, but the more she sees it, the more she likes it there. That look belongs on his face, that look of almost...completeness. It confuses her, but she doesn’t say anything, she needs to study it.
"Why don't we grab a table?" Rose ushers the group over to a table and looks back at Ang. She puts her hand in the air and circles it, asking for a round. Rose turns back around and sits at the table in the last available seat between Emmett and Edward, and across from Bella. Perfect.
Rose has always been a watcher. Growing up, she had seen so much, too much. She had been burned by her first impressions of people and quickly learned that she couldn't dive into any kind of a relationship with a person until she truly knew them, whether for friendship or sex. Even then, once she thought she knew their ins and outs, Rose still felt the need to take precautions to protect herself. As a child, many times over she had made the mistake of trusting people too quickly. Rose's mother was of a promiscuous brand and often brought home new men; it was expected of Rose by her mother to automatically feel comfortable with “Uncle Marcus”, “Uncle Tommy” or “Uncle Jaime.” Rose made the mistake of trusting her so-called mother to take care of her and protect her, so Rose trusted the men that traipsed through her life like a parade. It was a mistake. It was her own mother where Rose went wrong to begin with; she should have been able to have faith in the woman that birthed her; a mother was supposed to love unconditionally and never harm or judge. Believing this, Rose gave her trust without question, which was the biggest mistake of her young life.
Rose already knows she can trust Bella, without a doubt, which for her is something entirely foreign. That first night when Bella had given herself so fully over to Rose, Rose knew she was special. Part of her was scared for Bella, that Bella trusted others so easily to be gentle with her and not harm her; Rose found herself wanting to protect Bella. Rose already cares for the woman a great deal, but what are they getting themselves into?
What Rose also notices as the group sits at the table talking is Edward, and the way he keeps sneaking peeks at Bella. Rose had a feeling that he would be attracted to Bella, but normally, Edward is the type to completely ignore looks. With Edward, looks mean nothing if a woman lacks brains and confidence...not that Bella lacks any of those. Actually, just the opposite, but Edward doesn’t know that. Something else that Rose is trying to figure out, is who the bear of a man that Bella invited to the club is. Could Bella and he possibly have a relationship? Or have they been together in the past? Rose finds it hard to say yes due to the massive difference in size between the two. Emmett is huge; it wouldn't take much for him to break Bella.
Rose is interrupted from her inner musings by Emmett asking her a question. "So, Rosalie, this is your place then?"
Emmett is genuinely intrigued with Rosalie; he has never seen a woman as gorgeous as her in all his life...and he means ALL his life. The second he walked into the all-female club he saw her with her golden hair and legs for days. The fact that she speaks mostly to the other guy, who is attractive in appearance, doesn’t matter to him one bit. The fact that Rosalie, or Rose as Bella and the other man are calling her, owns this place only makes her more interesting to him. Rose doesn’t look like the average all-female club owner...not that there is a type, but if he had seen her anywhere else, he never would’ve put her in this scenario. Emmett feels like things are going to get very interesting.
"Yes, Emmett, this is my place. I opened it about three years ago, and it has really taken off. I'm a bit slow Monday through Wednesday, but that is typical for dance-type clubs during the work-week. It tends to pick up on Thursdays, like any other bar." Rose takes a swig of her beer and sets it down on the table, offering Emmett her attention.
"If you don't mind me asking, why an all-female club? Are you a lesbian?" Emmett is never one to mince his words, and he doesn’t feel that he should start now.
Rose snorts, then looks over at Edward; all eyes are now on her, waiting to see her reaction. Normally, with anyone else she would’ve gotten pissed, but for some reason, with Emmett she finds it amusing. She begins to laugh and quickly takes another pull from her beer.
"Ah, no. I'm not a lesbian, per-se, Emmett, although I'm not exactly shy around the ladies either." Rose looks over at Bella, "Am I, Bella?"
Bella feels herself grow crimson as all eyes at the table fall on her. "Wow, I think it's time for another round!" Bella responds and quickly shoots out of her chair, walking off toward the bar to fetch another round.
"Shit. I shouldn't have done that. I'll be right back gentlemen." Rose excuses herself and quickly hurries off to the bar to do damage control. She didn’t think of how it would make Bella feel to be called out like that, especially in front of her friend who may or may not have known about Bella's “wild” side.
As Rose walks off, the men watch the two women walk away. Edward clears his throat, "So, that was quite the bomb that was dropped just now, wouldn't you say? Leave it to Rose, though." He shakes his head and chuckles.
"How so? I've only just met her and Bella hasn't told me anything about her...or what happened between the two of them, which is obviously something." Emmett wants more information, but just as Edward is about to say something, his jaw drops down to the floor. Emmett follows his dumbfounded gaze to the dance floor.
In the middle of the now crowded dance floor, Rose pulls Bella by the hand closer to her body. They both need to let off some of the steam that has been building between the two of them all evening. It is to be expected, considering what has happened between them, and then to have their closest friends here to witness it makes it all so much more real. Not that real is bad. Rose needs real, and Bella is very real. They aren’t exactly ready for it to be public, which it now is, but they will deal with it.
Out of nowhere, a finger taps Bella's shoulder. She turns her head to see Emmett standing just at her shoulder with an unfamiliar look in his eyes. "Mind if I cut in, ladies?" Emmett asks, looking between the two women. Bella looks back to Rose, smiles, and allows Emmett to take Rose's place on the dance floor. As they both begin to move to the music, Bella thinks she should say something, but what she should say, she has no idea.
"You know that I would never judge you. Don't you, Bella? I mean, I know your not full-fledged gay, because I've been with you, and you can't enjoy sex with a man that much and then just completely switch teams," Emmett pauses, waiting for Bella to say something. She doesn't. With a heavy sigh, Emmett continues, "So have you switched teams, or are you just sticking your toe in and testing the water? I gotta say, if you are going to switch for her..." Emmett motions over his shoulder toward the table, where Rose sits with Edward, chatting, "...then I don't blame you. She's hoooootttt!"
Bella pinches Emmett right on the nipple and he winces, "Mmmm, Baby, do that again."
Bella laughs and shakes her head at Emmett, "You are the same as always, Emmett. Such a ladies man...or a man whore. It's one of the two." Emmett smiles at her and waits for her to continue. "I honestly don't know how it happened, Em. I accidentally walked into this place. Really, I just needed to get drunk, forget myself for a little while, ya know? And then somehow, I ended up with Rose in my bed...and I liked it. No, I fucking loved it. But I'm just sampling from the tray. I know that I want to be with a man, it's just that, lately, my record with men hasn't been so swell." Bella looks up at Emmett, surprised at what she sees.
The smile that is plastered across Emmett's face makes his eyes shine, he chuckles, "That's fucking hot, Bella. Seriously. Can I watch? Please?"
Bella laughs and shoves Emmett's shoulder just as Rose re-appears next to them. "My turn again, big guy."
Emmett rolls his eyes and leans down to whisper in Bella's ear, "Please?" He turns, walks back to the table, and orders another beer.
Bella begins to sway with Rose and just lets the music and the beautiful woman in front of her lead the way. She has so many things racing through her mind, fighting for attention. She cares for Rose, is attracted to her, but she isn’t sure if she wants Emmett to see it and know of it. And then there is Edward. Something in her sparked when she first saw and spoke to him. It scares her to death because he is Rose's friend, and she doesn’t know what kind of relationship Rose and he have. What if it is actually kind of serious? Bella can’t begin to think about what it would do to Rose if she wants Edward. It is all so confusing. She doesn’t know what to say to Rose, so she says nothing. She just dances.
Rose lifts her hand and tucks a strand of Bella's long hair behind her ear. "I'm going to kiss you Bella. I'm going to kiss you in front of Emmett and in front of Edward and in front of all of these other women. Trust me, okay?" Rose looks at Bella, stares straight into her eyes and wordlessly begs for her trust.
Bella looks over at the table where their two male admirers sit, their mouths agape. Bella giggles and looks back at Rose; she reaches her hand up to the back of Rose's head and pulls her head down. Bella kisses those sexy, pouty lips in front of all who care to see. She kisses Rose with the passion she has felt for her since that first night, along with the confusion that plagues her. Bella kisses. She just kisses, and Rose kisses her back with as much fervor.
The two women break away from each other, panting from their long and sensual kiss. Rose leans her forehead against Bella's as they continue to sway and grind against each other a bit. When the song ends, they both walk back to the table with their hands linked together.
Rose and Bella approach the men, who both sit with their legs crossed and with looks of lust in their eyes. If anyone dares to look at their crotches, they will see massive bulges to show how turned on they are.
Rose smiles and asks, "So, you guys want to go to my place?"
Then men stand so fast they knock their chairs over. At once, both Emmett and Edward reply, "Let's go!"
The four-some leave the bar and decide to walk the six blocks to Rose's place. Edward and Emmett walk ahead of Rose and Bella, chatting and getting to know each other. Rose and Bella keep back a bit, remaining silent for most of the walk. Rose finally breaks their silence, "So, did you tell Emmett?"
Bella doesn't respond right away, but as they walk under a street lamp, Rose gets a good look at Bella's face and sees the devious smile there. Bella looks up from the sidewalk and glances at Rose, "Yeah, and he wants to watch."
Edward POV
I don’t know why I let Alice drag me to Port Angeles in this weather, but she wanted to go shopping. I told her I was NOT going shopping with her. She said fine, but asked if I could drive her. I caved in and agreed to drop her off, en route to the library.
So here I am, at the library. I grab a few books from the history and biology sections, and return to the atrium part of the library so I can see the rain. I truly love thunderstorms; I love Washington. There is something about the rain when it comes down, soothing in its monotonous roar and when thunder accompanies it, it seems as though things just fall into place, nature feels true and intact.
Much of the seating in the front part of the atrium is taken up, so I find a seat facing toward the check-out desk. I prefer to face the storm, but that option isn't open at the moment.
I pop the ear buds of my iPod in and lose myself for a while, reading and absorbing the music. After a while, boredom sets in with the biology book, so I move on to the history book. The storm outside is really raging now, the thunder shakes the old building and the window panes rattle with each boom; I couldn't feel more comfortable.
When I first dropped Alice off and got to the library, it was raining pretty good but it is nothing compared to the torrential downpour out there now. There is no way I will be making it to pick up Alice any time soon.
I take out my phone to call her, she won’t mind shopping for just a bit longer…she never does. The call connects.
“Yes, Edward?”
“Alice, the sky is spewing water. You’re going to have to shop a little longer. There is no way I am leaving the library in this. I’ll be drenched in seconds.”
“That’s fine. I’m not quite done here anyway. Just call me before you leave so I can hurry up and pay. Then we have to go eat somewhere. I’m starving.”
“Fine. I’ll talk to you in a while.”
I snap my phone shut just as a tear-streaked face blows by me and out into the insane rain shower.
I look around; other people sitting in the atrium stare at the door, wondering what is going on. Most of them shrug and go back to their reading, but a few still watch the door, like me.
The door is pulling at me and questions scream in my head. What just happened?
I contemplate it for no longer than a second, and then I move. I leave my iPod, phone, books and car keys behind, sprinting out of the door and into the downpour. I search for the body that just fled the library and see nothing, no one, close by.
I squint my eyes a little tighter, trying to see. Finally, about a block down and heading toward the beach front, is the person, a woman. I’m sure of it from the dark long hair that clings to her neck and from the bun it escapes. I can't tell for sure from the thickness of the rain, but I see her bend over, and then straighten again. I wonder why she bent over as I stand there for a moment and take stock of the weather. I weigh my options for just a second, to leave her be or go after her; I run after her.
As I run, I become nervous. What could she be doing? Is she crazy? The rain and air are cold; she's going to get sick...we both are. I’m not sure what else this storm is going to blow in, but I know it won’t be good. Dad told me that it is supposed to get ugly later tonight. These thoughts make me push my legs faster, harder.
Why in the hell am I running through this, and after a complete stranger? I don’t know, but I refuse to stop. I can’t stop.
It is only after four in the afternoon, but already, it’s quite dark out. Every once in a while, the sky flashes bright with lightning. It actually helps me find my way and follow the girl.
After running what has to be close to eight or nine blocks, I can see the pier. The girl runs down the steps and into the sand. I push myself to run faster, still a block behind her. Just as I am going down the steps, I see her enter the ocean. What the hell is she doing?
“HEY! STOP!” I yell as holler as I can. I’m not sure that she can hear me with the rain pounding so loudly; the thunder is also coming more frequently and it too, drowns out most sound, momentarily deafening me.
“PLEASE STOP! MISS!” I yell as loudly as I can, which in turn, is enough to hurt my throat.
She moves farther into the water, waist deep, while I am still on the sandy beach, still some forty yards or so away from her.
I watch her move in further, now chest deep and she keeps going while I am finally at the water's edge. I don't think, but just plunge right in; I try to run to her through the crashing tide but the waves are quite large and push against me. The water is freezing, and I know that I don’t have much time, neither does she.
As the water hits my waist I gasp as it completely soaks my shirt. Her head goes under and I immediately panic; I dive under the icy water and open my eyes, looking for her. I feel the immediate assault of the burning salty sea water, but keep them open and search for her.
The lightning flashes above us once again and finally, I see her; she floats with her arms wide, like she is waiting for an embrace. Her long hair has completely escaped its enclosure and slowly wisps around her head, locked in the silence of the water. Her back is to me, but all at once, I can’t see her again; the sky has gone dark. I keep swimming in the straight forward path and wait for more lightning to illuminate my way.
As I swim toward her, part of me thinks that maybe I shouldn’t be saving her life. Maybe she went into the cold ocean on purpose. What if she wants to die?
I come up for air and go back down. I can no longer see her, so I begin to flail my arms in an attempt to find her.
Lightning flashes above us once again and I see her no more than an arms length away from me. I quickly grab onto her but I’m only able to get a hold of her by the neck of her shirt, but it has to be good enough. I hold on as I claw us back to the surface and break through, gasping. She lies limp as I bring her head back against my shoulder and kick our way back to shore.
I’m completely aware of the tingling that begins to fill my limbs, what I am not sure of is if it's from the exertion and adrenaline, or the cold of the water. I kick harder in an effort to both get us to the beach and then more quickly, to keep my blood flowing. Every once in a while I kick the girl; part of me feels bad about it, but not bad enough since I am trying to save her life
I feel my legs beginning to slow, but not of my own doing. In my mind I am trying to push them faster, but know that the water is beginning to affect me. I’m not sure how she was able to get so far out as quickly as she did, but we ended up just past the end of the pier; I'm sure the water carried us out fast. My arms are also beginning to feel like jelly and my legs feel quite numb. The tide crashes forcefully into us and I figure I better change my technique or we are both going down. I move, trying to grab around the girl's waist, as I attempt to move onto my side, but then I feel big arms loop under my own arm pits, pulling us out of the water.
I kick as hard as I can to help my helper but quickly realize I don't need to as we are on the sand. The tide still laps up at us and I reach for all of my reserved energy to pull the girl further up out of the water and lay her down; I check her vitals, nothing, so I immediately begin CPR. She had been under quite a while.
"Do you know what the fuck you are doing?" A large deep voice booms directly into my ear.
“I’m a doctor. Shut up so I can do this," I reply hastely.
I work on her no more than thirty seconds and she quickly begins to expel the water; she took in a lot more than I expected.
She takes a deep breath and rolls to her side, away from me and looks up. She sees the hulking man that pulled us out and immediately starts sobbing.
“I’m…s-s-sooo…s-ss-ssorrry Em.” She sobs and her shoulders heave. The large man that pulled us out shushes her, then picks her up under her arms and knees.
As he picks her up, I finally get a real glimpse of her face. She is beautiful, but gaunt. Her lips are blue and her eyes have big, purple shadows under them. She can’t weigh more than one hundred pounds, if that. The man looks like he could easily toss her thirty feet in the air. And her hair is long and brown with the ends curling in its wetness.
“Shhh. Bella sweetie. It’s okay. Shhh. I’m going to get you home now. ROSIE! GET THE CAR!” The large man hollers.
He starts running for the stairs that lead to the pier and I run after him.
“You know this woman?”
“Yeah, I do,” he huffs out as he runs.
“You need to get her to the hospital, she’s showing symptoms of hypothermia.”
“I planned on it doc. And thanks. Truly.” He looks down at the woman again. "Oh shit!"
"What? What's wrong?"
"Her eyes are rolling around. What the fuck, doc?"
I look at him, seeing the deep sadness and fear in his eyes.
“I’m following you to the hospital. I’ll be right there. Drive FAST!”
“No man, I’ll get her there. You don’t have to come.”
“NO. I’m coming.”
He looks at me, nods, and then runs towards a jacked-up Jeep. I immediately run the eight blocks back to the library and inside. One of the concerned readers is standing by the door with my iPod, phone and keys in his hand. I grab them from him.
“Thanks.” I run to my car and jump in, hitting the “2” to speed-dial Alice.
“Where are you Edward, it has been an hour?” Alice asks, sounding a little miffed.
“Alice, I have to go to the hospital. I’ll explain later. Can you take a cab to the hospital? You can take my car from there.” I’ll be surprised if she understands any of that at all.
“Edward? What’s wrong? You’re scaring me!”
“It’s okay Alice. I’m fine, but I came across a woman in the water. I told the man who was with her that I'm coming to the hospital. I’ll leave the keys at the nurse’s station.”
“I’m getting a cab now. I’ll see you there, Edward.”
“I gotta go, Alice, I’m just pulling up, and I see them in the ER drive-thru.” I hang up, not waiting for her to respond.
I park the car and run into the ER, looking for the big man. He is pacing over by a sofa; a blond woman sits on the couch, with her head in her hands and watching him. I clear my throat, gaining the man's attention.
Just as he is about to speak, the ER doctor walks over to him.
“Mr. Black?” The doctor asks.
“McCarty. Emmett McCarty,” his voice quakes with emotion.
“Ah. Mr. McCarty, your sister’s body took quite a beating and she started to go into shock, but we were able to quickly get her warmed up again and she is stable. We knocked her out so that she can rest and so her body has time to bounce back. Do you have any idea how she got into the ocean?”
Still trying to get past the fact that the large man was that little woman’s brother and just before he was about to tell the doctor that she ran in, I cut in. I don't know if he saw everything that went down, but if he did, it won't help his sister to tell anyone that.
“She fell in. I was standing inside a shop and saw her on the pier. I think she was chasing after something, and she slipped and fell in. I ran to help as soon as I saw her.” The lie oozes from my mouth easily.
The doctor nods and looks down at her chart. I lock eyes with the brother, a silent conversation, begging him to stay quiet.
“Okay, well if you have any questions for me, Mr. McCarty, please don’t hesitate to ask. If you can’t find me, just let a nurse know and he or she will find me. Oh, and your sister is in room 227.”
“Thanks, Doc.” The brother replies in a soft voice and sits down by the blond.
I lift a finger at the girl’s brother, asking for a moment, and run after the doctor.
“Excuse me, doctor? I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Dr. Oliver Marcus. And you are?” He sticks his hand out for me to shake.
I take his hand and offer a firm hand shake. “I’m Dr. Edward Cullen, of Seattle Children’s.”
“Aren’t you a little young to be a doctor?” He asks.
I smile; I get this reaction from people a lot. “Technically, yes, but I went to college at a young age.”
“Wait, Cullen? As in Carlisle Cullen? Are you his son?” His eyes rake over me, reassessing me.
“Yes, I am.” I reply.
He looks me over, appraising me and smiles. “I’m happy to have you in the hospital, Dr. Cullen. If there is anything you need, please, just say the word.”
“Thank you Dr. Marcus. I will only need the information on Bella Black, for her family of course.”
I hold my breath while he eyes me, sizing me up. I assumed her last name is Black when Dr. Marcus tried addressing her brother as Mr. Black. I didn’t get a funny look from him using that name, thankfully.
He nods at me. “Of course you can have the information that is released to you, as you know I can't give you much more than that, Dr. Cullen." I give a small nod in understanding and Dr. Marcus turns and heads down the corridor. I turn around and walk back to the brother, Emmett; he stares at me, as does the striking blond beside him.
The woman looks a little pissed off, but Emmett just looks confused.
“So, Cullen, as in Carlisle Cullen, of Forks?” Emmett asks me, cocking his head to the side ever so slightly.
“That’s right, he's my father. You know him?”
“Carlisle is a good man; he worked on my father, well, step-father several years back.”
“What is your step-father’s name?”
“Charlie Swan. He was the police chief of Forks.” The man’s eyes look away from me when he says the name.
I narrow my eyes. “You’re Charlie’s son? My dad was torn up about your dad for a long time.”
I couldn’t be sure, but his eyes almost appear to go a little glossy. The woman with him softens up a bit and lays a well-manicured hand on his shoulder.
"I wasn't always close to Charlie, but he was a good man, and he took very good care of Bella. Excuse me a moment." He walks over to the nearby ER station and grabs a tissue. I take that as my cue to introduce myself, and to give Emmett a few moments to compose himself.
I offer my hand to the woman. “Hello, I’m Edward Cullen.”
She takes my hand, shaking it, rather firmly I might add. “Rosalie Hale-McCarty. A pleasure. And thank you for saving our Bella.”
Our Bella?
Emmett rejoins us and I address them both, “Look, I hope you don't mind me speaking up like that, but I did it for the sake of your sister. I don’t think she or you really want to deal with a psyche evaluation right now. And if I had let you tell the truth, that is where it would have gone.”
“No man, I appreciate it. That is not what Bella needs right now. She’s just having a really bad year,” his voice is back to booming and loud.
I nod, but then feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around to see Alice looking up at me, her face is one big damn question mark.
“Hey Al.” I'm relieved to have her here.
“Hey yourself. What’s going on, Edward?” She asks; she still sounds a little peeved.
“Alice?” Rose asks from behind us.
Alice peers around my shoulder at the calling of her name.
“Rose? What are you doing here?” Alice looks confused. Heck, I’m confused. She knows them?
“Dr. Cullen...” Rose begins to say.
“Edward,” I cut in.
Rose nods. “Edward helped us tonight, with Emmett’s sister.”
Alice looks at me, and then at Emmett. “What happened, Edward?”
Now they are all looking at me.
“Why don’t we have a seat and I will tell you, she will probably be sleeping for a while. Actually, I am going to get us a private lounge to wait in. I’ll be right back.”
I approach the nurse’s station and introduce myself. The nurse practically falls over herself when she hears my last name. My father is that well known. We have a private waiting room in minutes. We all grab something to drink, coffee for me, and sit down on the two sofas that face each other. Alice pulls a blanket off the back of the couch and places it over my legs. I hadn’t paid attention to it until now, but the cold really is settling in on me.
“Okay, first I have to ask how you two know each other.” I motion between Alice and Rose.
Alice looks at me. “Edward, this is Jasper’s second cousin, Rose.”
I haven't met much of my future brother-in-law’s extended family, but now the features do look familiar. “I see. Okay.”
“Alright. I’m just going to start at the beginning.” And so I tell them what happened from the beginning; I was in the library when I saw a crying person flying by me and out into the rain. I couldn’t NOT do something. So I went after them, and only realized it was a woman after I followed her for some eight blocks. I told them how she ran all the way to the pier and down the steps to the shoreline. I told them how I yelled, begged for her to stop, and how she gradually went under water.
I could feel my hands shake, and Alice must have seen it, as she grabbed my right hand and gripped it. I looked down, trying to gather myself.
Looking back up, I found the tear filled eyes of Emmett. I kept going. “I’ve never been that scared. Ever. I thought she was gone. And then the lightning flashed when I was under the water, looking for her, and she was right there, floating in the stillness. So I grabbed her and pulled us to the surface. I don’t think I had ever been so thankful of lightning, especially when submerged in water.”
I look at Alice, and she gives me a limp smile.
I look over to Rose to see the tears doing their free fall down her porcelain cheeks, and then back to Emmett, as he finally loses the battle with his own tears. I take a deep breath and let my head fall into my hands, and then before I know it, Emmett has me up off the couch, hugging me in his bear hold. Sobbing.
“Thank you. Thank you so much. She would have just…she would have died. I can’t lose her too,” Emmett mumbles into my shoulder.
He lets me go and grabs onto his wife.
I look at Alice again and even she has tears streaking down her cheeks. I sit down and wipe them away with my thumb and hug her.
“I’m going to call mom and tell her that we are not going to be home tonight. Maybe I could run back to Forks and get clothes and such for everyone?” Alice looks to me, and then to Rose.
“That would be great Alice, thanks.”
“Al, is the weather okay to drive in? I don’t want to be worrying about you all night.” I say. I have had enough worry to last me quite a while, thank you.
“No, the weather is fine now Edward, back to a drizzle. I think it is supposed to pick back up, but not until later on,” Alice says as she hugs me once more and turns to the McCarty’s. “Would you like to me to get something for you?”
Rose fishes their keys out of her purse and hands them to Alice. “That would be great of you Alice.”
As Alice gets the directions to their house, I walk over to the windows that overlook the ocean and stand beside Emmett. He looks at me and nods, deep emotion shining in his eyes. I simply nod back, not sure what to say.
“I’m going to go and see what I can find out,” I say to him as I stare out the window at the drizzling rain.
Emmett nods again. “That would be great, thanks.” He turns back to gaze out the window as Rose comes to stand beside him, she slips her hand into his. I quickly turn to leave the room and give them privacy.
Whatever it is they are going through, I can help them. I want to help them, I want to help her.
The doctor told us earlier that Bella is in room 227, but before I go in there, I want see if I can find out anything about her. I'm not allowed to look at her file, but I wonder if I stand around the nurse's station long enough, if someone will say something that I can eavesdrop on. Pathetic, I know. There is just something about the look I saw on her face, and on her brother's as well. It seems like there is something else going on. I am sure that if she was ever treated for anything in Forks, it was either under the care of my father or Dr. Gerandy.
I locate the nurse's station close to Bella's room and find it empty. I look around a bit, attempting to locate a nurse, but the halls are quiet. I don't even hear voices coming from any of the patient's rooms. I walk back to the station and wait a few minutes, but still, no nurses show up. My hands begin to fidget so I pick up a pen to play with. I twirl it around my fingers for a minute and think about the day; what a crazy day. The pen drops back onto the station desk and lands on the corner of a file with her name on it. I look back up and around myself, checking the halls for anyone, but it is still quiet. Really, I shouldn't look. Getting caught wouldn't result in anything good, but I need to look. I quickly snatch it up and dart down a hall to find a dark corner to hide in. The folder flips open to the first page, it shows the usual stuff: her contact info, her address, date of birth and such; regular stats and any of the notes the nurses want acknowledged. The second page is related to today’s admission and I read a little, but it says what I already know. Her file is thick, much thicker then I expect. I read a few pages and see that she must have been a clumsy child, and on the next page, I see some photos. It looks like her upper arm and some stitching done on a large gash. I flip to the next page, but then I notice that she has a surgical procedure tab.
I steal a glance around, feeling slightly guilty, but then I look. I can’t help but look. Just as I open up to it, a nurse walks past me and turns into the nursing station. She thumbs through folders and papers on the desk, looking for something and muttering under her breath. Not finding what she was searching for, she quickly strides down the far hall toward Bella's room. I dart over to the station and set the file down. I don't have permission to be reading it, and thankfully, wasn't caught doing so.
Taking a chance, I flip back to the procedures tab one more time and now, it opens up closer to the middle. There are x-rays, CT reports and pictures of a surgery while in progress. It’s quite sobering, and suddenly, I don’t want to read her file anymore. I want as far away from her file as I can get, and closer to her in that room. I close the folder and put a few papers and other folders over top of it in case that is what the nurse was looking for in the first place.
Just like the pull to run out of that library and towards her, I feel that here, now. And before I realize I even took a single step, I am standing in front of room 227. My heart thunders in my chest as I put my hand on the door, and slowly, push it open.
There she lies, her small form the large hospital bed. The bed sits in the center of her private room, and only the muted light from a lamp lights her face. Besides the usual beeping of the machines, the room is silent. She only has an IV hooked up to her and several thick blankets covering her to keep her temperature up. There is no foil over her, so she must be retaining her body heat well.
I walk to the foot of her bed and lift the covers to check her feet, dragging my finger from heel to toe, up the bottom of her foot; it twitches, as does the other. Circulation is fine. I was worried about that after the cold of the water. I grab her wrist, and check her pulse. Golden.
Why do I feel so nervous? I saved this woman’s life, just like the many others I have saved. I haven’t ever been nervous around them in the quiet of their room.
But you’ve never felt like this about any of the other lives you’ve saved. Have you?
And now I’m hearing voices. But it's true; I've never felt the need to go against the rules and sneak peeks at other patient's files. Why do I feel like this?
As I look at her, it feels like my heart is clenching in my chest and like my stomach has gone to live in the upper part of my esophagus. This woman stirs things in me that I haven’t felt for some time, and never before with this magnitude. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but what exactly is this?
I pull the chair over closer to the bed and sit down. After just a few short minutes, I notice that her heart rate has sped up a little bit. And then she starts panting, like she is running again. She starts making little whimpering noises, and it has to be the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever heard.
Not thinking, I take her hand, and a jolt goes through her, making her back arch of the bed a little. My eyes go wide, and then I feel my hand begin to tingle, but she calms a little. I hold her hand a bit longer, and when she has completely calmed and her heart rate is back to normal, I put her hand back on the bed.
She begins to whimper again, but her vitals don’t change. She lets out a little gasp then her eyes fly open. That shouldn’t be possible as heavily sedated as she is.
She sits up in the bed.
“JAKE!” It comes out of her breathy and she takes a weird chesty inhalation and falls back to bed, back to slumber.
It scares the shit out of me. Really, what was that? The look in her eyes was indescribable, like she was here, yet vacant.
I run out into the hall to find Dr. Marcus. I search for a while, then finally find him and tell him what happened.
"Dr. Marcus, I was just in to see Bella Black. Something odd happened."
"What has happened, Dr. Cullen. Is something wrong?" He makes to move toward her room, but I grip his arm to stop him.
"She is okay, but oddly enough, she sat up and said someone's name. I think she was dreaming, but you said you sedated her."
He nods, "I did, heavily at that. She must have been having one hell of a dream. I will check on her soon, and after that, her family may see her. I will come to the lounge and let them know when."
I take my time on the way back to the lounge, once again, plagued by the days events. I mostly wonder what the woman had gone through to push her so far over. When she ran out of the library she looked vacant, kind of how she looked when she had screamed out just minutes ago. What happened to her? And who is Jake? Questions run rampant through my brain, but there is one single question that scares me the most. What if I hadn't been there to go in after her? Would someone else have gone after her, or would she be gone, to the bottom of the deep ocean to never return.
I reach the door and pause before turning the knob, a shiver goes through me. I feel cold from the inside out... What do I tell her brother?
All of a sudden, a hand grips my shoulder and I jump, not expecting it. I turn to see Rose behind me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you, Edward. Are you alright?” She asks me, the concern apparent in her eyes.
I let out the breath I had suddenly taken when I was startled. “It’s alright, Rose, and yes, I’m fine. How are you holding up? How is Emmett?”
“He’s scared shitless, and so am I. These are the greatest two people I have ever known, and what they have been through already, just isn’t fair. I love them both more than you can attempt to measure,” her voice begins to tighten up in emotion.
I hear the tears in her voice, and simply nod my head. I open the door and usher her in.
“After you.” She dips her head at me and walks in. I follow behind her.
Emmett is across the large room in a few strides, standing in front of me. “Edward, how is she? What does the doctor think? Is she awake?” The words tumble quickly from his mouth.
Rose touches him on the upper arm, silencing him. His eyes plead with me, but I can’t help what comes out of my mouth.
“Emmett, who is Jake?”
I don’t know why I let Alice drag me to Port Angeles in this weather, but she wanted to go shopping. I told her I was NOT going shopping with her. She said fine, but asked if I could drive her. I caved in and agreed to drop her off, en route to the library.
So here I am, at the library. I grab a few books from the history and biology sections, and return to the atrium part of the library so I can see the rain. I truly love thunderstorms; I love Washington. There is something about the rain when it comes down, soothing in its monotonous roar and when thunder accompanies it, it seems as though things just fall into place, nature feels true and intact.
Much of the seating in the front part of the atrium is taken up, so I find a seat facing toward the check-out desk. I prefer to face the storm, but that option isn't open at the moment.
I pop the ear buds of my iPod in and lose myself for a while, reading and absorbing the music. After a while, boredom sets in with the biology book, so I move on to the history book. The storm outside is really raging now, the thunder shakes the old building and the window panes rattle with each boom; I couldn't feel more comfortable.
When I first dropped Alice off and got to the library, it was raining pretty good but it is nothing compared to the torrential downpour out there now. There is no way I will be making it to pick up Alice any time soon.
I take out my phone to call her, she won’t mind shopping for just a bit longer…she never does. The call connects.
“Yes, Edward?”
“Alice, the sky is spewing water. You’re going to have to shop a little longer. There is no way I am leaving the library in this. I’ll be drenched in seconds.”
“That’s fine. I’m not quite done here anyway. Just call me before you leave so I can hurry up and pay. Then we have to go eat somewhere. I’m starving.”
“Fine. I’ll talk to you in a while.”
I snap my phone shut just as a tear-streaked face blows by me and out into the insane rain shower.
I look around; other people sitting in the atrium stare at the door, wondering what is going on. Most of them shrug and go back to their reading, but a few still watch the door, like me.
The door is pulling at me and questions scream in my head. What just happened?
I contemplate it for no longer than a second, and then I move. I leave my iPod, phone, books and car keys behind, sprinting out of the door and into the downpour. I search for the body that just fled the library and see nothing, no one, close by.
I squint my eyes a little tighter, trying to see. Finally, about a block down and heading toward the beach front, is the person, a woman. I’m sure of it from the dark long hair that clings to her neck and from the bun it escapes. I can't tell for sure from the thickness of the rain, but I see her bend over, and then straighten again. I wonder why she bent over as I stand there for a moment and take stock of the weather. I weigh my options for just a second, to leave her be or go after her; I run after her.
As I run, I become nervous. What could she be doing? Is she crazy? The rain and air are cold; she's going to get sick...we both are. I’m not sure what else this storm is going to blow in, but I know it won’t be good. Dad told me that it is supposed to get ugly later tonight. These thoughts make me push my legs faster, harder.
Why in the hell am I running through this, and after a complete stranger? I don’t know, but I refuse to stop. I can’t stop.
It is only after four in the afternoon, but already, it’s quite dark out. Every once in a while, the sky flashes bright with lightning. It actually helps me find my way and follow the girl.
After running what has to be close to eight or nine blocks, I can see the pier. The girl runs down the steps and into the sand. I push myself to run faster, still a block behind her. Just as I am going down the steps, I see her enter the ocean. What the hell is she doing?
“HEY! STOP!” I yell as holler as I can. I’m not sure that she can hear me with the rain pounding so loudly; the thunder is also coming more frequently and it too, drowns out most sound, momentarily deafening me.
“PLEASE STOP! MISS!” I yell as loudly as I can, which in turn, is enough to hurt my throat.
She moves farther into the water, waist deep, while I am still on the sandy beach, still some forty yards or so away from her.
I watch her move in further, now chest deep and she keeps going while I am finally at the water's edge. I don't think, but just plunge right in; I try to run to her through the crashing tide but the waves are quite large and push against me. The water is freezing, and I know that I don’t have much time, neither does she.
As the water hits my waist I gasp as it completely soaks my shirt. Her head goes under and I immediately panic; I dive under the icy water and open my eyes, looking for her. I feel the immediate assault of the burning salty sea water, but keep them open and search for her.
The lightning flashes above us once again and finally, I see her; she floats with her arms wide, like she is waiting for an embrace. Her long hair has completely escaped its enclosure and slowly wisps around her head, locked in the silence of the water. Her back is to me, but all at once, I can’t see her again; the sky has gone dark. I keep swimming in the straight forward path and wait for more lightning to illuminate my way.
As I swim toward her, part of me thinks that maybe I shouldn’t be saving her life. Maybe she went into the cold ocean on purpose. What if she wants to die?
I come up for air and go back down. I can no longer see her, so I begin to flail my arms in an attempt to find her.
Lightning flashes above us once again and I see her no more than an arms length away from me. I quickly grab onto her but I’m only able to get a hold of her by the neck of her shirt, but it has to be good enough. I hold on as I claw us back to the surface and break through, gasping. She lies limp as I bring her head back against my shoulder and kick our way back to shore.
I’m completely aware of the tingling that begins to fill my limbs, what I am not sure of is if it's from the exertion and adrenaline, or the cold of the water. I kick harder in an effort to both get us to the beach and then more quickly, to keep my blood flowing. Every once in a while I kick the girl; part of me feels bad about it, but not bad enough since I am trying to save her life
I feel my legs beginning to slow, but not of my own doing. In my mind I am trying to push them faster, but know that the water is beginning to affect me. I’m not sure how she was able to get so far out as quickly as she did, but we ended up just past the end of the pier; I'm sure the water carried us out fast. My arms are also beginning to feel like jelly and my legs feel quite numb. The tide crashes forcefully into us and I figure I better change my technique or we are both going down. I move, trying to grab around the girl's waist, as I attempt to move onto my side, but then I feel big arms loop under my own arm pits, pulling us out of the water.
I kick as hard as I can to help my helper but quickly realize I don't need to as we are on the sand. The tide still laps up at us and I reach for all of my reserved energy to pull the girl further up out of the water and lay her down; I check her vitals, nothing, so I immediately begin CPR. She had been under quite a while.
"Do you know what the fuck you are doing?" A large deep voice booms directly into my ear.
“I’m a doctor. Shut up so I can do this," I reply hastely.
I work on her no more than thirty seconds and she quickly begins to expel the water; she took in a lot more than I expected.
She takes a deep breath and rolls to her side, away from me and looks up. She sees the hulking man that pulled us out and immediately starts sobbing.
“I’m…s-s-sooo…s-ss-ssorrry Em.” She sobs and her shoulders heave. The large man that pulled us out shushes her, then picks her up under her arms and knees.
As he picks her up, I finally get a real glimpse of her face. She is beautiful, but gaunt. Her lips are blue and her eyes have big, purple shadows under them. She can’t weigh more than one hundred pounds, if that. The man looks like he could easily toss her thirty feet in the air. And her hair is long and brown with the ends curling in its wetness.
“Shhh. Bella sweetie. It’s okay. Shhh. I’m going to get you home now. ROSIE! GET THE CAR!” The large man hollers.
He starts running for the stairs that lead to the pier and I run after him.
“You know this woman?”
“Yeah, I do,” he huffs out as he runs.
“You need to get her to the hospital, she’s showing symptoms of hypothermia.”
“I planned on it doc. And thanks. Truly.” He looks down at the woman again. "Oh shit!"
"What? What's wrong?"
"Her eyes are rolling around. What the fuck, doc?"
I look at him, seeing the deep sadness and fear in his eyes.
“I’m following you to the hospital. I’ll be right there. Drive FAST!”
“No man, I’ll get her there. You don’t have to come.”
“NO. I’m coming.”
He looks at me, nods, and then runs towards a jacked-up Jeep. I immediately run the eight blocks back to the library and inside. One of the concerned readers is standing by the door with my iPod, phone and keys in his hand. I grab them from him.
“Thanks.” I run to my car and jump in, hitting the “2” to speed-dial Alice.
“Where are you Edward, it has been an hour?” Alice asks, sounding a little miffed.
“Alice, I have to go to the hospital. I’ll explain later. Can you take a cab to the hospital? You can take my car from there.” I’ll be surprised if she understands any of that at all.
“Edward? What’s wrong? You’re scaring me!”
“It’s okay Alice. I’m fine, but I came across a woman in the water. I told the man who was with her that I'm coming to the hospital. I’ll leave the keys at the nurse’s station.”
“I’m getting a cab now. I’ll see you there, Edward.”
“I gotta go, Alice, I’m just pulling up, and I see them in the ER drive-thru.” I hang up, not waiting for her to respond.
I park the car and run into the ER, looking for the big man. He is pacing over by a sofa; a blond woman sits on the couch, with her head in her hands and watching him. I clear my throat, gaining the man's attention.
Just as he is about to speak, the ER doctor walks over to him.
“Mr. Black?” The doctor asks.
“McCarty. Emmett McCarty,” his voice quakes with emotion.
“Ah. Mr. McCarty, your sister’s body took quite a beating and she started to go into shock, but we were able to quickly get her warmed up again and she is stable. We knocked her out so that she can rest and so her body has time to bounce back. Do you have any idea how she got into the ocean?”
Still trying to get past the fact that the large man was that little woman’s brother and just before he was about to tell the doctor that she ran in, I cut in. I don't know if he saw everything that went down, but if he did, it won't help his sister to tell anyone that.
“She fell in. I was standing inside a shop and saw her on the pier. I think she was chasing after something, and she slipped and fell in. I ran to help as soon as I saw her.” The lie oozes from my mouth easily.
The doctor nods and looks down at her chart. I lock eyes with the brother, a silent conversation, begging him to stay quiet.
“Okay, well if you have any questions for me, Mr. McCarty, please don’t hesitate to ask. If you can’t find me, just let a nurse know and he or she will find me. Oh, and your sister is in room 227.”
“Thanks, Doc.” The brother replies in a soft voice and sits down by the blond.
I lift a finger at the girl’s brother, asking for a moment, and run after the doctor.
“Excuse me, doctor? I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I’m Dr. Oliver Marcus. And you are?” He sticks his hand out for me to shake.
I take his hand and offer a firm hand shake. “I’m Dr. Edward Cullen, of Seattle Children’s.”
“Aren’t you a little young to be a doctor?” He asks.
I smile; I get this reaction from people a lot. “Technically, yes, but I went to college at a young age.”
“Wait, Cullen? As in Carlisle Cullen? Are you his son?” His eyes rake over me, reassessing me.
“Yes, I am.” I reply.
He looks me over, appraising me and smiles. “I’m happy to have you in the hospital, Dr. Cullen. If there is anything you need, please, just say the word.”
“Thank you Dr. Marcus. I will only need the information on Bella Black, for her family of course.”
I hold my breath while he eyes me, sizing me up. I assumed her last name is Black when Dr. Marcus tried addressing her brother as Mr. Black. I didn’t get a funny look from him using that name, thankfully.
He nods at me. “Of course you can have the information that is released to you, as you know I can't give you much more than that, Dr. Cullen." I give a small nod in understanding and Dr. Marcus turns and heads down the corridor. I turn around and walk back to the brother, Emmett; he stares at me, as does the striking blond beside him.
The woman looks a little pissed off, but Emmett just looks confused.
“So, Cullen, as in Carlisle Cullen, of Forks?” Emmett asks me, cocking his head to the side ever so slightly.
“That’s right, he's my father. You know him?”
“Carlisle is a good man; he worked on my father, well, step-father several years back.”
“What is your step-father’s name?”
“Charlie Swan. He was the police chief of Forks.” The man’s eyes look away from me when he says the name.
I narrow my eyes. “You’re Charlie’s son? My dad was torn up about your dad for a long time.”
I couldn’t be sure, but his eyes almost appear to go a little glossy. The woman with him softens up a bit and lays a well-manicured hand on his shoulder.
"I wasn't always close to Charlie, but he was a good man, and he took very good care of Bella. Excuse me a moment." He walks over to the nearby ER station and grabs a tissue. I take that as my cue to introduce myself, and to give Emmett a few moments to compose himself.
I offer my hand to the woman. “Hello, I’m Edward Cullen.”
She takes my hand, shaking it, rather firmly I might add. “Rosalie Hale-McCarty. A pleasure. And thank you for saving our Bella.”
Our Bella?
Emmett rejoins us and I address them both, “Look, I hope you don't mind me speaking up like that, but I did it for the sake of your sister. I don’t think she or you really want to deal with a psyche evaluation right now. And if I had let you tell the truth, that is where it would have gone.”
“No man, I appreciate it. That is not what Bella needs right now. She’s just having a really bad year,” his voice is back to booming and loud.
I nod, but then feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn around to see Alice looking up at me, her face is one big damn question mark.
“Hey Al.” I'm relieved to have her here.
“Hey yourself. What’s going on, Edward?” She asks; she still sounds a little peeved.
“Alice?” Rose asks from behind us.
Alice peers around my shoulder at the calling of her name.
“Rose? What are you doing here?” Alice looks confused. Heck, I’m confused. She knows them?
“Dr. Cullen...” Rose begins to say.
“Edward,” I cut in.
Rose nods. “Edward helped us tonight, with Emmett’s sister.”
Alice looks at me, and then at Emmett. “What happened, Edward?”
Now they are all looking at me.
“Why don’t we have a seat and I will tell you, she will probably be sleeping for a while. Actually, I am going to get us a private lounge to wait in. I’ll be right back.”
I approach the nurse’s station and introduce myself. The nurse practically falls over herself when she hears my last name. My father is that well known. We have a private waiting room in minutes. We all grab something to drink, coffee for me, and sit down on the two sofas that face each other. Alice pulls a blanket off the back of the couch and places it over my legs. I hadn’t paid attention to it until now, but the cold really is settling in on me.
“Okay, first I have to ask how you two know each other.” I motion between Alice and Rose.
Alice looks at me. “Edward, this is Jasper’s second cousin, Rose.”
I haven't met much of my future brother-in-law’s extended family, but now the features do look familiar. “I see. Okay.”
“Alright. I’m just going to start at the beginning.” And so I tell them what happened from the beginning; I was in the library when I saw a crying person flying by me and out into the rain. I couldn’t NOT do something. So I went after them, and only realized it was a woman after I followed her for some eight blocks. I told them how she ran all the way to the pier and down the steps to the shoreline. I told them how I yelled, begged for her to stop, and how she gradually went under water.
I could feel my hands shake, and Alice must have seen it, as she grabbed my right hand and gripped it. I looked down, trying to gather myself.
Looking back up, I found the tear filled eyes of Emmett. I kept going. “I’ve never been that scared. Ever. I thought she was gone. And then the lightning flashed when I was under the water, looking for her, and she was right there, floating in the stillness. So I grabbed her and pulled us to the surface. I don’t think I had ever been so thankful of lightning, especially when submerged in water.”
I look at Alice, and she gives me a limp smile.
I look over to Rose to see the tears doing their free fall down her porcelain cheeks, and then back to Emmett, as he finally loses the battle with his own tears. I take a deep breath and let my head fall into my hands, and then before I know it, Emmett has me up off the couch, hugging me in his bear hold. Sobbing.
“Thank you. Thank you so much. She would have just…she would have died. I can’t lose her too,” Emmett mumbles into my shoulder.
He lets me go and grabs onto his wife.
I look at Alice again and even she has tears streaking down her cheeks. I sit down and wipe them away with my thumb and hug her.
“I’m going to call mom and tell her that we are not going to be home tonight. Maybe I could run back to Forks and get clothes and such for everyone?” Alice looks to me, and then to Rose.
“That would be great Alice, thanks.”
“Al, is the weather okay to drive in? I don’t want to be worrying about you all night.” I say. I have had enough worry to last me quite a while, thank you.
“No, the weather is fine now Edward, back to a drizzle. I think it is supposed to pick back up, but not until later on,” Alice says as she hugs me once more and turns to the McCarty’s. “Would you like to me to get something for you?”
Rose fishes their keys out of her purse and hands them to Alice. “That would be great of you Alice.”
As Alice gets the directions to their house, I walk over to the windows that overlook the ocean and stand beside Emmett. He looks at me and nods, deep emotion shining in his eyes. I simply nod back, not sure what to say.
“I’m going to go and see what I can find out,” I say to him as I stare out the window at the drizzling rain.
Emmett nods again. “That would be great, thanks.” He turns back to gaze out the window as Rose comes to stand beside him, she slips her hand into his. I quickly turn to leave the room and give them privacy.
Whatever it is they are going through, I can help them. I want to help them, I want to help her.
The doctor told us earlier that Bella is in room 227, but before I go in there, I want see if I can find out anything about her. I'm not allowed to look at her file, but I wonder if I stand around the nurse's station long enough, if someone will say something that I can eavesdrop on. Pathetic, I know. There is just something about the look I saw on her face, and on her brother's as well. It seems like there is something else going on. I am sure that if she was ever treated for anything in Forks, it was either under the care of my father or Dr. Gerandy.
I locate the nurse's station close to Bella's room and find it empty. I look around a bit, attempting to locate a nurse, but the halls are quiet. I don't even hear voices coming from any of the patient's rooms. I walk back to the station and wait a few minutes, but still, no nurses show up. My hands begin to fidget so I pick up a pen to play with. I twirl it around my fingers for a minute and think about the day; what a crazy day. The pen drops back onto the station desk and lands on the corner of a file with her name on it. I look back up and around myself, checking the halls for anyone, but it is still quiet. Really, I shouldn't look. Getting caught wouldn't result in anything good, but I need to look. I quickly snatch it up and dart down a hall to find a dark corner to hide in. The folder flips open to the first page, it shows the usual stuff: her contact info, her address, date of birth and such; regular stats and any of the notes the nurses want acknowledged. The second page is related to today’s admission and I read a little, but it says what I already know. Her file is thick, much thicker then I expect. I read a few pages and see that she must have been a clumsy child, and on the next page, I see some photos. It looks like her upper arm and some stitching done on a large gash. I flip to the next page, but then I notice that she has a surgical procedure tab.
I steal a glance around, feeling slightly guilty, but then I look. I can’t help but look. Just as I open up to it, a nurse walks past me and turns into the nursing station. She thumbs through folders and papers on the desk, looking for something and muttering under her breath. Not finding what she was searching for, she quickly strides down the far hall toward Bella's room. I dart over to the station and set the file down. I don't have permission to be reading it, and thankfully, wasn't caught doing so.
Taking a chance, I flip back to the procedures tab one more time and now, it opens up closer to the middle. There are x-rays, CT reports and pictures of a surgery while in progress. It’s quite sobering, and suddenly, I don’t want to read her file anymore. I want as far away from her file as I can get, and closer to her in that room. I close the folder and put a few papers and other folders over top of it in case that is what the nurse was looking for in the first place.
Just like the pull to run out of that library and towards her, I feel that here, now. And before I realize I even took a single step, I am standing in front of room 227. My heart thunders in my chest as I put my hand on the door, and slowly, push it open.
There she lies, her small form the large hospital bed. The bed sits in the center of her private room, and only the muted light from a lamp lights her face. Besides the usual beeping of the machines, the room is silent. She only has an IV hooked up to her and several thick blankets covering her to keep her temperature up. There is no foil over her, so she must be retaining her body heat well.
I walk to the foot of her bed and lift the covers to check her feet, dragging my finger from heel to toe, up the bottom of her foot; it twitches, as does the other. Circulation is fine. I was worried about that after the cold of the water. I grab her wrist, and check her pulse. Golden.
Why do I feel so nervous? I saved this woman’s life, just like the many others I have saved. I haven’t ever been nervous around them in the quiet of their room.
But you’ve never felt like this about any of the other lives you’ve saved. Have you?
And now I’m hearing voices. But it's true; I've never felt the need to go against the rules and sneak peeks at other patient's files. Why do I feel like this?
As I look at her, it feels like my heart is clenching in my chest and like my stomach has gone to live in the upper part of my esophagus. This woman stirs things in me that I haven’t felt for some time, and never before with this magnitude. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but what exactly is this?
I pull the chair over closer to the bed and sit down. After just a few short minutes, I notice that her heart rate has sped up a little bit. And then she starts panting, like she is running again. She starts making little whimpering noises, and it has to be the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever heard.
Not thinking, I take her hand, and a jolt goes through her, making her back arch of the bed a little. My eyes go wide, and then I feel my hand begin to tingle, but she calms a little. I hold her hand a bit longer, and when she has completely calmed and her heart rate is back to normal, I put her hand back on the bed.
She begins to whimper again, but her vitals don’t change. She lets out a little gasp then her eyes fly open. That shouldn’t be possible as heavily sedated as she is.
She sits up in the bed.
“JAKE!” It comes out of her breathy and she takes a weird chesty inhalation and falls back to bed, back to slumber.
It scares the shit out of me. Really, what was that? The look in her eyes was indescribable, like she was here, yet vacant.
I run out into the hall to find Dr. Marcus. I search for a while, then finally find him and tell him what happened.
"Dr. Marcus, I was just in to see Bella Black. Something odd happened."
"What has happened, Dr. Cullen. Is something wrong?" He makes to move toward her room, but I grip his arm to stop him.
"She is okay, but oddly enough, she sat up and said someone's name. I think she was dreaming, but you said you sedated her."
He nods, "I did, heavily at that. She must have been having one hell of a dream. I will check on her soon, and after that, her family may see her. I will come to the lounge and let them know when."
I take my time on the way back to the lounge, once again, plagued by the days events. I mostly wonder what the woman had gone through to push her so far over. When she ran out of the library she looked vacant, kind of how she looked when she had screamed out just minutes ago. What happened to her? And who is Jake? Questions run rampant through my brain, but there is one single question that scares me the most. What if I hadn't been there to go in after her? Would someone else have gone after her, or would she be gone, to the bottom of the deep ocean to never return.
I reach the door and pause before turning the knob, a shiver goes through me. I feel cold from the inside out... What do I tell her brother?
All of a sudden, a hand grips my shoulder and I jump, not expecting it. I turn to see Rose behind me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to frighten you, Edward. Are you alright?” She asks me, the concern apparent in her eyes.
I let out the breath I had suddenly taken when I was startled. “It’s alright, Rose, and yes, I’m fine. How are you holding up? How is Emmett?”
“He’s scared shitless, and so am I. These are the greatest two people I have ever known, and what they have been through already, just isn’t fair. I love them both more than you can attempt to measure,” her voice begins to tighten up in emotion.
I hear the tears in her voice, and simply nod my head. I open the door and usher her in.
“After you.” She dips her head at me and walks in. I follow behind her.
Emmett is across the large room in a few strides, standing in front of me. “Edward, how is she? What does the doctor think? Is she awake?” The words tumble quickly from his mouth.
Rose touches him on the upper arm, silencing him. His eyes plead with me, but I can’t help what comes out of my mouth.
“Emmett, who is Jake?”
Bella POV
I feel like I am watching everything from the underside of Earth. I am surrounded by a window of glass, and I can see everything happening above and around me, but I don’t move through that world anymore. I’m not a part of it. I float in my own realm where only I exist, along with my pain.
Time is slow here, like I am moving through viscous water. I try to move faster, but when I do, the memories resurface, so it is best to just go slow. I let the water set my pace. So what if I’m slow? Nothing really matters; I can’t find my purpose. It is almost as if I am locked under the surface, looking up at what I can’t break through. I’m supposed to emerge and breathe. I don’t know if I can, or if I want to.
God, I feel as though I am suffocating; the world that I can’t touch and be a part of crushes me. Every day, I feel myself floundering just a little bit more; unable to take the next step forward, only backward. Always backward.
Like these scars that I have, my daily reminders of what I have lost, and that the loss is my fault. Everyday the pull me back one step further.
Along the outside of my right arm is a long, white scar that travels from just below my elbow and up to the ball of my shoulder. This one is from the broken glass of my passenger window that sliced right into me; I had thrown my arm up to protect my head and the glass had shattered from the force of the collision. The one large piece went right into my arm and caused quite a bit of damage. For a while they worried that I would never be able to work again. Then there are a few on my legs, but those are mainly scars from fragments of glass, they look like little white scratches that never go away.
The scar on my stomach was probably the ugliest, and the hardest to deal with. There is a crescent moon scar about six inches long that rests along the left side of my belly button. The skin there is relatively smooth for there being a scar, but the scar itself is puckered in a few places from the quick stitching they had to do on it. Sometimes, in my nightmares, the scar opens up and beetles fly out of it.
“Bella?”
I jump, startled out of my head at the calling of my name.
“I’m in the kitchen, Em.” I shout to my big brother.
Emmett walks in with his wife, Rosalie. He gives me a hug and steps back, not saying anything.
Rose kisses me on the cheek. "Hi Sweetie." She says quietly, soothing.
I swallow thickly. She calls me sweetie all the time, but today, the endearment is too much.
"You guys can go make yourselves comfortable. I'll be there in a second." I say, and they quickly shuffle out of the kitchen; I can tell that it is going to be a tense visit.
Emmett is my big brother, and by big, I mean big as in older and huge. He was a linebacker in college for ASU and was quite a star. He played all four years, got his degree and now runs his own successful business. He is six years older than me, but has never acted like it, until he met Rose. But even after they were married, it still wasn’t enough to take the child out of him. Last year’s events did sober him up a little bit, though.
Rose is the sister I never had. When Em first introduced us, I had to mentally roll my eyes. She was such the stereotypical girl Emmett always dated, but she was the first he bothered introducing to me. Rose is beautiful, a bodacious blond. All the women that Emmett had dated in the past that he actually told me about were the same kind of women. They all turned out to be superficial Barbies, so of course, I automatically thought the same about Rose. I am not a judgmental person, but I knew Emmett's type so I thought I had her pegged. I was so wrong about Rose; she is vibrant and feisty and just my kind of friend and sister. We got along after a few awkward moments of smelling each other out. I adore her, and she is the sweet to my brother’s stink…so to speak.
“Jeez Bells, I knocked forever and even yelled your name a few times before finally using my key. Everything alright, kiddo?" Emmett yelled from the living room just as I walked in and leaned against the doorjamb.
“I’m fine. Dozed off in the chair for a bit,” one of his eyebrows goes up, but I roll my eyes, hoping that he will drop it. To my relief, he does.
“Can I get you guys something to drink?” I ask, wanting to be polite and to also keep my hands busy.
“I’ll take a beer Bells,” Emmett replies. Of course he will, even at eleven in the morning on a Tuesday.
“Iced tea, if you have any made.” Rose says, looking at me, but quickly turns her gaze to the window.
I muster a weak smile, “Don’t I always?”
A sad look comes over Rose's face, but she nods. I have to swallow back my sob. Crying won’t bid well for me right now, especially this early in the day and not with Em and Rose here. If I start now, they won’t leave me alone for the rest of the day, hell, the rest of the week for that matter.
Jake loved iced tea, and if we had an hour or two of sunshine, there would be sun tea for us to enjoy. Jake did that, so I haven’t had sun tea in well over a year.
I can’t help but think about Rose as I head into the kitchen to get their drinks and some tea for myself. Too bad I don’t have a little whiskey to add to it. I'm going to need it today.
I haven’t seen that look on Rose’s face for some time. She was pretty close to Jake too. Jake, rose and Emmett had their love for cars in common, and Emmett did too; I can barely remember how many arguments there were about engines and which older muscle car is better, between them all. I stayed out of them, not knowing much about cars at all, but they made me laugh. They all got so heated and defensive about their favorites.
Other than the first day I saw Rose after the accident, the only other time I saw that look on her face was shortly before she and Em got married. She had been having a tough time, and Emmett couldn’t get her to open up. He asked me for help and so I arranged for Jake to go out with Emmett and for Rose to spend the night with me. It was a bad night and we both ended up crying for a long time.
Before Emmett, Rose had been with some uppity bastard named Royce King. His daddy had money, an oil tycoon, which made Royce believe he owned the world, or close to it. She said that for a while, things were great between them. Royce was a gentleman and bought her things and treated her like royalty. He took her places and enjoyed some of the same things she did. He indulged her passion of fast cars and he was attentive. After a while, things started to change between them. Royce started to get a bit aggressive with her, and his temper would take quick, unexpected turns. After they had been together for eight months, Royce asked Rose to marry him, and she said yes. She thought that he was just having a tough time and things were turning around. She was wrong. He became possessive and would strike her. The final straw was when pushed her down a flight of stairs and she ended up breaking three of her ribs and her wrist. At the bottom of the stairs, he raped her, twice, and then left to go drink with his friends. When she was able to, she ran from the house, but was in so much pain that she passed out two blocks from her apartment. That is where Emmett found her, just outside his auto body shop.
She didn’t tell Emmett what had truly happened to her, even with the wedding coming up. She worried that it would scare him away. That night that he found her unconscious he took her to the emergency room and never left her side. The next day when she woke up, she told him that she fell down the steps of her apartment. Emmett told me about the whole situation long after I had met her and that he hadn’t believed her, but she was a virtual stranger then, so he didn’t say anything. She would tell him someday if they knew each other long enough.
She told me first, but I understood why, and so did Emmett. She told me what happened over nachos and tequila and we cried until our eyes were dry. She said that it was the weakest she had ever been in her life. She had trusted Royce and loved him, and he kicked her around like trash and violated her. A part of her died that night, but a new part was also born. She was afraid of Emmett for a while after that, not just because of his size, but because he was a man. She got over it quickly though; he was always watching out for her and calling her. It was the little things that he did for her that eventually broke her down and made her realize that he was a man of worth and that he wouldn't ever hurt her. She couldn’t understand what he would want with her, but he was in love with her, and what happened to her made him want to take care of her all the more. It didn’t take her long to love him back, and the rest is history. They are perfect. I couldn’t have created a better couple.
I re-enter the living room to see Emmett kneeling in front of Rose; they appear to be deep in conversation. I clear my throat to announce my presence and they immediately stop talking, Rose is pink-cheeked. Emmett moves back over to the recliner and I hand him his beer and turn to Rose, giving her the glass of iced tea.
I don't like the look of her flushed cheeks. Rose isn’t easily embarrassed. She almost looks mortified, or guilty. Why would she feel guilty?
With barely a pause, Rose clears her throat and is back to normal. “Bella, my cousin Jasper is coming into town this weekend and we are going out. We would love it if you could join us?” She finishes the sentence in a question, unsure.
My eyes go wide and I can feel my heart begin to speed up at the implication of her trying to set me up with someone.
“Oh God. No. I don’t mean like that. He’s married, well, engaged. Ugh, I’m stupid. He is bringing his fiance, Alice along with him. I just thought that it would be fun for you to meet them, and to get out. That’s all.” I rarely see Rosalie flustered, but as she explains herself, I calm a little bit.
“It’s okay, Rose, and thank you for clarifying. It’s just that…” I take a deep, cleansing breath and look up from my hands to her face and give a small smile. “Never mind. What do you have planned and for when?”
She looks to Emmett, a little shocked that I am even inquiring as to when they will be going out. I don’t go out anymore. I have no desire to. I don’t want to be social and meet new people. What’s the point? But I also know that if I don’t let Emmett know that I am alright, he is going to want to have a talk with me really soon. I really don’t want to go there.
Am I alright? No. I won’t ever be alright again, but I can’t let my big brother know that. It would crush him.
“OH, umm, this Saturday night. We are going out for supper at Titan and then bowling, for some reason. I guess Alice likes to bowl, which should be interesting. I guess it is a disco bowl and they serve alcohol there too. Some place in Seattle.”
“Seattle, huh? Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to get out for once. Meet some new people?” I can’t help the last part coming out as a question, I know that they would want for me to meet new people, but I have no desire to. I do my best to plaster a smile onto my face, “Besides, I’m not really sure I can miss Emmett disco bowling.” Out of the corner of my eye I see Emmett’s bottom jaw drop. Rosalie hisses at him, sounding like a cat, and he shuts his mouth.
“Fantastic. I’m so glad you’ll come. I think you will really like Alice. She’s ahh, energetic.” Rose eyes Emmett again, her eyebrow quirks up.
“Yeah, squirt it’ll be fun. I’m glad you’ll come with us. Do you want to ride with us? Pick you up say….five o’clock?” Emmett asks, beginning to bounce on his heels a little.
“Sure Em. That sounds good. Just call me that morning and let me know the plans a little more. Okay?” Maybe I can get sick and back out at the last minute tomorrow.
“Sounds good.”
They get up from their seats and head to the door.
“Bella, if Dad could be here, you know he would. You know he’s watching over you. So is Jake and..” Emmett says, his voice growing quiet and low.
Rosalie kicks him in the shin and he practically collapses. I feel tears beginning to build.
“You idiot. Shut your mouth.”
“Jeez Rose.” Emmett looks at me sheepishly, “Sorry sweetie.”
I nod at him but keep my eyes to the floor with the traitorous tears brimming high.
“O-kay! We gotta go. Emmett wants to go to the auto show in Port Angeles and you know how he cries when he doesn’t get his way.”
I look up to see Rose smiling at me, trying to get past the intense moment. And I love her for it all the more. They both give me quick, impersonal hugs so I won't cry and I walk them out.
“We’ll call you Saturday morning then, sweetie. Don’t forget, and don’t back out of this. It will be fun!” Rose chuckles and lifts one of her eyebrows at me, she somehow read my earlier thoughts.
“Sure, sure Rose. I’ll go. Talk to you soon.”
They get in their car and leave, and once again…I am alone.
I don’t want to sit at home and listen to my phone ring all day long. I refuse to even answer the phone; I don’t want to listen to all the sympathies that will spew out of the phone receiver. I just can’t do it. It's bad enough that I have to remember all of that pain, but then to hear people speak of it and to hear some of them cry. I can’t do it. If I do, I’ll break down all over again.
I head upstairs and to my bedroom to change out of the pajamas that I've been wearing for the last two days and quickly scrub my face and throw my ratty hair into a sloppy bun. With a fresh pair of jeans and a long sleeve tee on, I am quickly on my way out the door with purse in hand, pausing to turn on the answering machine. I lock the door behind me and drop into my car.
***
Port Angeles has a good library. The library in Forks isn’t bad, but the one in P.A. has a bigger selection and a few of the rare books I like. The drive takes me about an hour in the rain, but it's a nice, calming drive and I’m not really in a hurry. Once I find an open parking space and step out into the rain, I run inside through the downpour and head back to the classics section, steering clear of any of the romantics. I think today is a good day for Dante, the Inferno, maybe? Maybe I should skip on to the seventh circle to get to the good and gruesome parts. Paradise is still so far off for him at that point. I know how he feels, but at least he has the chance at paradise. I don’t. My paradise died.
I grab the book from the shelf and go to the corner that I like. It is in the back a bit where the older reference books are located; they don’t get much attention aside from a few from the older generation. It is quiet and a perfect place to just enjoy the peace and read. It doesn’t take long for me to get lost in his words.
There hasn’t been a summer day like this for a long time. The blue sky expands above me, with barely a cloud, which is unheard of around Forks. This could almost be more of a Phoenix sky. Looking around me, I see trees and the prairie grass and flowers are almost knee-high. I sit down with my legs crossed. My dress is ivory and flowy, I thought I had gotten rid of this dress, which is ridiculous since I love it. I hear my name being called, so I stand up and look around. There are trees surrounding the field, I feel safe, protected. Charlie would approve. I begin to walk, and the grasses are just tall enough that I am able to brush my palms against the grass, tickling me as I walk. The sun is gloriously warm, it almost feels like Phoenix, not that I remember Phoenix all that well.
I hear my name again. It is closer this time and I look around again. “Bella.”
It’s Jake calling for me. I smile and call to him but he doesn’t answer.
“Jake? Where are you?” I keep walking, this time toward the tree line, but still, I don’t see him. I turn around and head back to the center of the field, the grass still tickling my palms.
“Jake, this isn’t funny. I’m getting annoyed. Where are you?”
“Bella!” This time, Jake sounds worried and his voice is brittle; it frightens me.
“Jake! You’re scaring me. Where are you?”
“BELLA! GET OUT!”
I jump, waking myself up; forgetting where I am, I look around, confused. My chest is heaving and my face is wet with tears. I look down and see Dante’s Inferno on my lap.
“Miss, are you alright?”
I snap my head to my right to see an elderly lady looking at me, concern written on her face.
And then, I feel like I am just suffocating, trapped and the air has become so thick. I hear the blood pulsing through my ears and I am vaguely aware that I am running. My legs work of their own accord and carry me where they choose. But I run, and I keep running.
I barely notice the cold pricking of the early spring Washington rain splattering down on me. I don’t register its cold bite, or the water that immediately that immediately logged my shoes. I just follow where my legs carry me, in full panic mode.
I don’t notice the thoughts in my head. For the most part, I only notice the silence; I realize my vision had tunneled and there is a tinge of red in the periphery. My throat has opened up a bit more, but that just allows for the bile to come closer to the surface. I hear my breath panting out of me and notice that the rain has begun to come down a little harder. It doesn’t matter to me.
Doesn’t matter to me.
My feet leave the pavement to a much softer surface. It gives away easily and I have to work harder to maintain balance. Just then, my body can’t contain it, and I double over, vomiting the bile that was sitting in my throat. My legs begin to carry me again and after barely anytime at all, I feel the water.
Oh, the soothing water. If I could just be under the water, it would be even more silent. I like silence, like a blanket tightly wound around me.
The water is to my knees now and there is someone behind me, shouting loudly. I can't make out their words, but it makes no difference; my silence is so close. I move a little further into the water and feel the waves begin to lap at my waist, just below my scar. Just a bit further now, and all will be silent.
I really need silence.
I take a few more steps, with the person still shouting somewhere in the background and then I am under. Oh, the silence is so beautiful. Exquisite.
The silence does feel a bit cold, but I will warm up, and it's worth it. I can stay like this. In this silence, I can think of my Jakey and it doesn’t hurt. For once, the pain is gone and it is oh-so soothing, and the silence is that blanket I have been dreaming of.
But the silence is short lived, and I hear the whispering. The sound, a shush shush shush of a little boy’s voice.
Jakey, am I finally home?
I feel like I am watching everything from the underside of Earth. I am surrounded by a window of glass, and I can see everything happening above and around me, but I don’t move through that world anymore. I’m not a part of it. I float in my own realm where only I exist, along with my pain.
Time is slow here, like I am moving through viscous water. I try to move faster, but when I do, the memories resurface, so it is best to just go slow. I let the water set my pace. So what if I’m slow? Nothing really matters; I can’t find my purpose. It is almost as if I am locked under the surface, looking up at what I can’t break through. I’m supposed to emerge and breathe. I don’t know if I can, or if I want to.
God, I feel as though I am suffocating; the world that I can’t touch and be a part of crushes me. Every day, I feel myself floundering just a little bit more; unable to take the next step forward, only backward. Always backward.
Like these scars that I have, my daily reminders of what I have lost, and that the loss is my fault. Everyday the pull me back one step further.
Along the outside of my right arm is a long, white scar that travels from just below my elbow and up to the ball of my shoulder. This one is from the broken glass of my passenger window that sliced right into me; I had thrown my arm up to protect my head and the glass had shattered from the force of the collision. The one large piece went right into my arm and caused quite a bit of damage. For a while they worried that I would never be able to work again. Then there are a few on my legs, but those are mainly scars from fragments of glass, they look like little white scratches that never go away.
The scar on my stomach was probably the ugliest, and the hardest to deal with. There is a crescent moon scar about six inches long that rests along the left side of my belly button. The skin there is relatively smooth for there being a scar, but the scar itself is puckered in a few places from the quick stitching they had to do on it. Sometimes, in my nightmares, the scar opens up and beetles fly out of it.
“Bella?”
I jump, startled out of my head at the calling of my name.
“I’m in the kitchen, Em.” I shout to my big brother.
Emmett walks in with his wife, Rosalie. He gives me a hug and steps back, not saying anything.
Rose kisses me on the cheek. "Hi Sweetie." She says quietly, soothing.
I swallow thickly. She calls me sweetie all the time, but today, the endearment is too much.
"You guys can go make yourselves comfortable. I'll be there in a second." I say, and they quickly shuffle out of the kitchen; I can tell that it is going to be a tense visit.
Emmett is my big brother, and by big, I mean big as in older and huge. He was a linebacker in college for ASU and was quite a star. He played all four years, got his degree and now runs his own successful business. He is six years older than me, but has never acted like it, until he met Rose. But even after they were married, it still wasn’t enough to take the child out of him. Last year’s events did sober him up a little bit, though.
Rose is the sister I never had. When Em first introduced us, I had to mentally roll my eyes. She was such the stereotypical girl Emmett always dated, but she was the first he bothered introducing to me. Rose is beautiful, a bodacious blond. All the women that Emmett had dated in the past that he actually told me about were the same kind of women. They all turned out to be superficial Barbies, so of course, I automatically thought the same about Rose. I am not a judgmental person, but I knew Emmett's type so I thought I had her pegged. I was so wrong about Rose; she is vibrant and feisty and just my kind of friend and sister. We got along after a few awkward moments of smelling each other out. I adore her, and she is the sweet to my brother’s stink…so to speak.
“Jeez Bells, I knocked forever and even yelled your name a few times before finally using my key. Everything alright, kiddo?" Emmett yelled from the living room just as I walked in and leaned against the doorjamb.
“I’m fine. Dozed off in the chair for a bit,” one of his eyebrows goes up, but I roll my eyes, hoping that he will drop it. To my relief, he does.
“Can I get you guys something to drink?” I ask, wanting to be polite and to also keep my hands busy.
“I’ll take a beer Bells,” Emmett replies. Of course he will, even at eleven in the morning on a Tuesday.
“Iced tea, if you have any made.” Rose says, looking at me, but quickly turns her gaze to the window.
I muster a weak smile, “Don’t I always?”
A sad look comes over Rose's face, but she nods. I have to swallow back my sob. Crying won’t bid well for me right now, especially this early in the day and not with Em and Rose here. If I start now, they won’t leave me alone for the rest of the day, hell, the rest of the week for that matter.
Jake loved iced tea, and if we had an hour or two of sunshine, there would be sun tea for us to enjoy. Jake did that, so I haven’t had sun tea in well over a year.
I can’t help but think about Rose as I head into the kitchen to get their drinks and some tea for myself. Too bad I don’t have a little whiskey to add to it. I'm going to need it today.
I haven’t seen that look on Rose’s face for some time. She was pretty close to Jake too. Jake, rose and Emmett had their love for cars in common, and Emmett did too; I can barely remember how many arguments there were about engines and which older muscle car is better, between them all. I stayed out of them, not knowing much about cars at all, but they made me laugh. They all got so heated and defensive about their favorites.
Other than the first day I saw Rose after the accident, the only other time I saw that look on her face was shortly before she and Em got married. She had been having a tough time, and Emmett couldn’t get her to open up. He asked me for help and so I arranged for Jake to go out with Emmett and for Rose to spend the night with me. It was a bad night and we both ended up crying for a long time.
Before Emmett, Rose had been with some uppity bastard named Royce King. His daddy had money, an oil tycoon, which made Royce believe he owned the world, or close to it. She said that for a while, things were great between them. Royce was a gentleman and bought her things and treated her like royalty. He took her places and enjoyed some of the same things she did. He indulged her passion of fast cars and he was attentive. After a while, things started to change between them. Royce started to get a bit aggressive with her, and his temper would take quick, unexpected turns. After they had been together for eight months, Royce asked Rose to marry him, and she said yes. She thought that he was just having a tough time and things were turning around. She was wrong. He became possessive and would strike her. The final straw was when pushed her down a flight of stairs and she ended up breaking three of her ribs and her wrist. At the bottom of the stairs, he raped her, twice, and then left to go drink with his friends. When she was able to, she ran from the house, but was in so much pain that she passed out two blocks from her apartment. That is where Emmett found her, just outside his auto body shop.
She didn’t tell Emmett what had truly happened to her, even with the wedding coming up. She worried that it would scare him away. That night that he found her unconscious he took her to the emergency room and never left her side. The next day when she woke up, she told him that she fell down the steps of her apartment. Emmett told me about the whole situation long after I had met her and that he hadn’t believed her, but she was a virtual stranger then, so he didn’t say anything. She would tell him someday if they knew each other long enough.
She told me first, but I understood why, and so did Emmett. She told me what happened over nachos and tequila and we cried until our eyes were dry. She said that it was the weakest she had ever been in her life. She had trusted Royce and loved him, and he kicked her around like trash and violated her. A part of her died that night, but a new part was also born. She was afraid of Emmett for a while after that, not just because of his size, but because he was a man. She got over it quickly though; he was always watching out for her and calling her. It was the little things that he did for her that eventually broke her down and made her realize that he was a man of worth and that he wouldn't ever hurt her. She couldn’t understand what he would want with her, but he was in love with her, and what happened to her made him want to take care of her all the more. It didn’t take her long to love him back, and the rest is history. They are perfect. I couldn’t have created a better couple.
I re-enter the living room to see Emmett kneeling in front of Rose; they appear to be deep in conversation. I clear my throat to announce my presence and they immediately stop talking, Rose is pink-cheeked. Emmett moves back over to the recliner and I hand him his beer and turn to Rose, giving her the glass of iced tea.
I don't like the look of her flushed cheeks. Rose isn’t easily embarrassed. She almost looks mortified, or guilty. Why would she feel guilty?
With barely a pause, Rose clears her throat and is back to normal. “Bella, my cousin Jasper is coming into town this weekend and we are going out. We would love it if you could join us?” She finishes the sentence in a question, unsure.
My eyes go wide and I can feel my heart begin to speed up at the implication of her trying to set me up with someone.
“Oh God. No. I don’t mean like that. He’s married, well, engaged. Ugh, I’m stupid. He is bringing his fiance, Alice along with him. I just thought that it would be fun for you to meet them, and to get out. That’s all.” I rarely see Rosalie flustered, but as she explains herself, I calm a little bit.
“It’s okay, Rose, and thank you for clarifying. It’s just that…” I take a deep, cleansing breath and look up from my hands to her face and give a small smile. “Never mind. What do you have planned and for when?”
She looks to Emmett, a little shocked that I am even inquiring as to when they will be going out. I don’t go out anymore. I have no desire to. I don’t want to be social and meet new people. What’s the point? But I also know that if I don’t let Emmett know that I am alright, he is going to want to have a talk with me really soon. I really don’t want to go there.
Am I alright? No. I won’t ever be alright again, but I can’t let my big brother know that. It would crush him.
“OH, umm, this Saturday night. We are going out for supper at Titan and then bowling, for some reason. I guess Alice likes to bowl, which should be interesting. I guess it is a disco bowl and they serve alcohol there too. Some place in Seattle.”
“Seattle, huh? Well, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to get out for once. Meet some new people?” I can’t help the last part coming out as a question, I know that they would want for me to meet new people, but I have no desire to. I do my best to plaster a smile onto my face, “Besides, I’m not really sure I can miss Emmett disco bowling.” Out of the corner of my eye I see Emmett’s bottom jaw drop. Rosalie hisses at him, sounding like a cat, and he shuts his mouth.
“Fantastic. I’m so glad you’ll come. I think you will really like Alice. She’s ahh, energetic.” Rose eyes Emmett again, her eyebrow quirks up.
“Yeah, squirt it’ll be fun. I’m glad you’ll come with us. Do you want to ride with us? Pick you up say….five o’clock?” Emmett asks, beginning to bounce on his heels a little.
“Sure Em. That sounds good. Just call me that morning and let me know the plans a little more. Okay?” Maybe I can get sick and back out at the last minute tomorrow.
“Sounds good.”
They get up from their seats and head to the door.
“Bella, if Dad could be here, you know he would. You know he’s watching over you. So is Jake and..” Emmett says, his voice growing quiet and low.
Rosalie kicks him in the shin and he practically collapses. I feel tears beginning to build.
“You idiot. Shut your mouth.”
“Jeez Rose.” Emmett looks at me sheepishly, “Sorry sweetie.”
I nod at him but keep my eyes to the floor with the traitorous tears brimming high.
“O-kay! We gotta go. Emmett wants to go to the auto show in Port Angeles and you know how he cries when he doesn’t get his way.”
I look up to see Rose smiling at me, trying to get past the intense moment. And I love her for it all the more. They both give me quick, impersonal hugs so I won't cry and I walk them out.
“We’ll call you Saturday morning then, sweetie. Don’t forget, and don’t back out of this. It will be fun!” Rose chuckles and lifts one of her eyebrows at me, she somehow read my earlier thoughts.
“Sure, sure Rose. I’ll go. Talk to you soon.”
They get in their car and leave, and once again…I am alone.
I don’t want to sit at home and listen to my phone ring all day long. I refuse to even answer the phone; I don’t want to listen to all the sympathies that will spew out of the phone receiver. I just can’t do it. It's bad enough that I have to remember all of that pain, but then to hear people speak of it and to hear some of them cry. I can’t do it. If I do, I’ll break down all over again.
I head upstairs and to my bedroom to change out of the pajamas that I've been wearing for the last two days and quickly scrub my face and throw my ratty hair into a sloppy bun. With a fresh pair of jeans and a long sleeve tee on, I am quickly on my way out the door with purse in hand, pausing to turn on the answering machine. I lock the door behind me and drop into my car.
***
Port Angeles has a good library. The library in Forks isn’t bad, but the one in P.A. has a bigger selection and a few of the rare books I like. The drive takes me about an hour in the rain, but it's a nice, calming drive and I’m not really in a hurry. Once I find an open parking space and step out into the rain, I run inside through the downpour and head back to the classics section, steering clear of any of the romantics. I think today is a good day for Dante, the Inferno, maybe? Maybe I should skip on to the seventh circle to get to the good and gruesome parts. Paradise is still so far off for him at that point. I know how he feels, but at least he has the chance at paradise. I don’t. My paradise died.
I grab the book from the shelf and go to the corner that I like. It is in the back a bit where the older reference books are located; they don’t get much attention aside from a few from the older generation. It is quiet and a perfect place to just enjoy the peace and read. It doesn’t take long for me to get lost in his words.
There hasn’t been a summer day like this for a long time. The blue sky expands above me, with barely a cloud, which is unheard of around Forks. This could almost be more of a Phoenix sky. Looking around me, I see trees and the prairie grass and flowers are almost knee-high. I sit down with my legs crossed. My dress is ivory and flowy, I thought I had gotten rid of this dress, which is ridiculous since I love it. I hear my name being called, so I stand up and look around. There are trees surrounding the field, I feel safe, protected. Charlie would approve. I begin to walk, and the grasses are just tall enough that I am able to brush my palms against the grass, tickling me as I walk. The sun is gloriously warm, it almost feels like Phoenix, not that I remember Phoenix all that well.
I hear my name again. It is closer this time and I look around again. “Bella.”
It’s Jake calling for me. I smile and call to him but he doesn’t answer.
“Jake? Where are you?” I keep walking, this time toward the tree line, but still, I don’t see him. I turn around and head back to the center of the field, the grass still tickling my palms.
“Jake, this isn’t funny. I’m getting annoyed. Where are you?”
“Bella!” This time, Jake sounds worried and his voice is brittle; it frightens me.
“Jake! You’re scaring me. Where are you?”
“BELLA! GET OUT!”
I jump, waking myself up; forgetting where I am, I look around, confused. My chest is heaving and my face is wet with tears. I look down and see Dante’s Inferno on my lap.
“Miss, are you alright?”
I snap my head to my right to see an elderly lady looking at me, concern written on her face.
And then, I feel like I am just suffocating, trapped and the air has become so thick. I hear the blood pulsing through my ears and I am vaguely aware that I am running. My legs work of their own accord and carry me where they choose. But I run, and I keep running.
I barely notice the cold pricking of the early spring Washington rain splattering down on me. I don’t register its cold bite, or the water that immediately that immediately logged my shoes. I just follow where my legs carry me, in full panic mode.
I don’t notice the thoughts in my head. For the most part, I only notice the silence; I realize my vision had tunneled and there is a tinge of red in the periphery. My throat has opened up a bit more, but that just allows for the bile to come closer to the surface. I hear my breath panting out of me and notice that the rain has begun to come down a little harder. It doesn’t matter to me.
Doesn’t matter to me.
My feet leave the pavement to a much softer surface. It gives away easily and I have to work harder to maintain balance. Just then, my body can’t contain it, and I double over, vomiting the bile that was sitting in my throat. My legs begin to carry me again and after barely anytime at all, I feel the water.
Oh, the soothing water. If I could just be under the water, it would be even more silent. I like silence, like a blanket tightly wound around me.
The water is to my knees now and there is someone behind me, shouting loudly. I can't make out their words, but it makes no difference; my silence is so close. I move a little further into the water and feel the waves begin to lap at my waist, just below my scar. Just a bit further now, and all will be silent.
I really need silence.
I take a few more steps, with the person still shouting somewhere in the background and then I am under. Oh, the silence is so beautiful. Exquisite.
The silence does feel a bit cold, but I will warm up, and it's worth it. I can stay like this. In this silence, I can think of my Jakey and it doesn’t hurt. For once, the pain is gone and it is oh-so soothing, and the silence is that blanket I have been dreaming of.
But the silence is short lived, and I hear the whispering. The sound, a shush shush shush of a little boy’s voice.
Jakey, am I finally home?
BPOV
Four years ago I married the love of my life. I married my best friend, who I have known since I was five years old.
I have a lot of memories, but of all of them, my favorites are of us running barefoot through the water, disturbing the fish our fathers were trying to catch. They were successful half the time; we were successful the other half. That was how we spent most of our childhood, thriving in mischief.
There really wasn’t ever a time when Jake and I were apart. After my mother died when I was five, my dad moved us to Forks, Washington where he got a position in their police department. He quickly became the Chief of Police and he loved his job. My half brother, Emmett, went to live with his dad, stating he didn’t want to leave Phoenix. I didn’t believe him, he had never gotten along well with Charlie, but I was not quite six years old so what could I say?
Dad met Billy Black not long after we moved to Forks; one day near the La Push Reservation where they were both fishing (of course) and became fast friends. Jake and I were both along with our fathers that day; Jake was just a little younger than me, and on the first day we met, I hated him. He was obnoxious from the very start; shortly after I sat down on the blanket I had laid out over the damp sand, he stumbled, and scattered my dry macaroni and construction paper. My attempts to create a magnificent piece of artwork for my father were ruined. I was angry, but got over it and finally went to play with him. It seemed we were destined to be at odds. We had just begun to get along and were playing together when he tripped over his own feet and knocked me down. He fell right on top of me, shoving my face into the mud. I don’t think we had even known each other more than an hour, and I already despised him. But, being the feisty girl I was back then, and maybe still am, I waited to get revenge. I calculated my retaliation, and I got it several hours later.
Our fathers came home with a very decent catch that day. We took it all back to Billy’s garage where they de-scaled and gutted about thirty fish. The guts went into a large cooler that sat in the corner of the dingy garage so they could easily dispose of them later without the stench getting too strong. Jake was emptying a large bowl full of fish guts into the cooler for our dads; all it took was one little shove. I caught the poor boy off guard and he went in head first.
My dad was furious. He scolded me and said that nice young ladies did not act like that, which immediately made me burst into tears. Still yelling at me, he had asked what had come over me, and he was right. That wasn’t me; I was a quiet, shy girl. I may have had (okay, still have) a feisty streak, but I rarely acted on it. I simply couldn’t help it though. Jacob brought out the fire in me and I wanted payback. It just so happened that the perfect opportunity to do so presented itself.
Billy simply laughed and told my dad to calm down. Jake deserved it after what he did to me. Jake sulked for a while, and then he got over it. We played for the rest of the day, although I kept my distance from his stinky self, and in no time, we were the best of friends. We were completely inseparable from that day on. His dad said he smelled terrible for at least three days after.
I didn’t have many friends that weren’t from the La Push reservation other than Angela. I’ll never forget my first day of school at Forks Elementary. During recess, I had been approached by two girls, Jessica and Lauren. I was excited that someone finally wanted to talk to me as everyone else had been keeping their distance from me. The girls didn’t talk to me per se, they cornered me behind the playground equipment. While Jessica lifted and pulled at strands of my hair, Lauren taunted me with harsh words and repeatedly spat on me. She told me that nobody liked me and I was ugly and poor. She said that I should go back to where I came from, but they probably didn’t want me there either. They were brutal words coming from the older first grader. Hell, they’d be brutal words coming from an adult. I couldn’t understand why they were being so mean to me but Angela later told me it was simply because I was the new kid.
As I got into junior high school, it was no longer just those two girls who continuously taunted me. They’d recruited a new boy in their class, James. James was cute, and I have to admit, before the hags got him to join their ranks, I may have had a small crush on him. It ended quickly though, as he was worse than the girls.
Looking back on it now, I know that there are things James attempted to do to me, that most eighth grade boys shouldn’t even think about doing. He was never truly able to do anything to me, well, except for the one time. There were a number of times that I was somehow stranded alone with him somewhere, and he tried to touch me. And I don’t mean touch me like Jessica and Lauren did; James tried to touch me in intimate places. The farthest he ever got was reaching up under my shirt, but his hand only grazed my bra before someone walked in.
I eventually told Angela about it, making her promise to keep it a secret. She made the promise, but she didn’t keep it. She told her mom, who told my dad. I was horrified at first, thinking that James would retaliate and really start to torture me, but James got in a heap of trouble, and so did his parents. In the end, I was quite grateful that Angela had told, apparently James had a history of that kind of behavior. He and his parents had been bouncing from state to state, trying to keep the authorities from taking him and putting him in a detention center. It finally caught up with them in Forks; the state took James, and his parents disappeared. I was relieved. He was gone from Forks, and from my life, that was all I could have ever hoped for.
Angela has always been saving me; first with the two evil hags, and then James. She is even saving me now by running my studio. That first day when she caught Lauren and Jessica taunting me, she interrupted them and somehow aimed their focus toward her. The girls didn’t toy with her too much, as her mom was the guidance counselor at school. Angela later told me that they had gotten into a lot of trouble over another student they used to taunt. They had to have a sit-down with their parents, Angela’s mom, and the Principal. After that day, they still toyed with me, but being Angela’s friend and having her on my side helped me greatly. I loved her immediately that first day on the playground; after the fiasco with Lauren and Jessica, I trusted her and she befriended me. Every day we ate lunch together and while at school, we were always together. If we had any classes together, we sat together.
She was pretty much my only friend from Forks, even throughout high school. But I didn’t mind, I actually preferred it that way. I always opted for a small, close-knit group of friends over larger groups. When we were juniors, Angela started dating Ben; he became my friend too, so I guess I had two Forks friends.
La Push was my home away from home. It pleased Charlie, my dad, because it was safe there. Not that Forks was dangerous by any means, but I was watched and well protected at La Push. And being in law enforcement, safety was ingrained in Charlie. I guess I never really minded Charlie’s paranoia with my safety though; I never wanted to be away from La Push…or Jake. When my dad passed away when I was a senior, La Push was where I found my solace.
My brother and his fiancé moved to Forks after dad passed, not wanting me to be alone. Dad had paid the house off, and so I didn’t have to worry about taking care of a mortgage. I was eighteen, and legally an adult, but I couldn’t stand to be alone. I barely ever slept there except when totally necessary, and my brother chose to have his own place, never feeling quite comfortable in Charlie’s home. It annoyed me that he would choose to pay rent instead of living there for free, but I understood.
My weekends were spent with Jake and everyone else around camp fires or hanging out at Sam and Emily’s place. Sam is Jake’s older second cousin, and Emily, his wife. Our whole group was always there, leaving next to no room for movement in their small house, but that was my life and I was happy.
There were only a few of us girls in the La Push group. Besides Emily and me, the only others were Kim & Leah, and Leah never did like me much. That was okay by me though, the feeling was completely mutual. That girl had some kind of a complex. I just assumed it was about me being an outsider. I had overheard her having a discussion with Embry several years back about me not belonging. God love him, Embry stood up for me, calling me his long lost sister. It pissed Leah off, which made me happy, but at the same time, it made me sad that Leah felt that way about me. She retained her bitchiness toward me, and I got over my guilt.
Then there were the boys, and a lot of them too. I swore they were putting something in the food or water on the rez. All of the La Push boys, even the ones younger than me, were just huge; they towered over me. They could eat too; I had never seen four dozen worth of scrambled eggs disappear so quickly! They would have eaten Sam and Emily out of house and home if Emily had not created and enforced the “bring an item” rule. She said that if they expected her to cook for them every weekend, they had to supply some of the ingredients, and so they did. They all decided what ingredients they would bring and Emily cooked it all. I liked to make pancakes, so that was my job…and my ingredient. Emily argued with me for a while, telling me I didn’t have to bring an ingredient because I barely ate anything, but I wanted to contribute. It felt nice to be able to provide something in that way.
They were my family, but now, I can’t bear to think about them.
We had such good times. Jake, Paul, and Embry taught me so many things. I went from bumbling adolescent to a sleek-almost adult because of them. Jake was younger than me, but he was agile and athletic. I actually have grace in my footing and poise in my back because of them. They taught me how to surf and rock climb, rappel too. Jake even rebuilt a set of motorcycles for us. They were vintage Indians. I still have them, but they have been covered up in the garage for the last year and a half. I haven’t even looked at them in the last year.
**
Our official seven year anniversary, or four year wedding anniversary, is today. But I hate this day. It is going to be a long and tiresome day, with many phone calls and visitors I won’t be able to turn away. What is it about death that makes people want to reminisce? Dredge up all the happy memories that leave sadness in their wake? Why can’t people just leave me alone? I just want the solitude, it’s comforting. I really want to go back to bed.
I know Billy is going to call, and I just don’t know if I can deal with that call today. I know that he is hurting too, but it will honestly kill me to talk to him today. I won’t make it past saying hello to simply answer the phone, thanks to the genius who invented caller I.D.
The sleep I so greatly need has been eluding me. It mocks me. Well, the dreams mock me; taunt me with what is no longer here. I’m so tired; I just want to sleep, but so afraid to sleep because of the dreams. There won’t be any relief for me even if I do sleep, the nightmares will wake me and I will stay awake for hours. That has been the cycle for the last eleven months.
Today isn’t just the date of our wedding anniversary. Today is also the anniversary date of that fateful accident. Today is the day that Jake died, one year ago. One year ago today I lost the love of my life because I wanted ice cream and he couldn’t say no to me.
So he took me to get ice cream.
One year ago today, I lost everything. More than just my husband and more than just myself. The life I cherished…ended.
My life stopped one year ago today.
I. Just. Stopped.
Four years ago I married the love of my life. I married my best friend, who I have known since I was five years old.
I have a lot of memories, but of all of them, my favorites are of us running barefoot through the water, disturbing the fish our fathers were trying to catch. They were successful half the time; we were successful the other half. That was how we spent most of our childhood, thriving in mischief.
There really wasn’t ever a time when Jake and I were apart. After my mother died when I was five, my dad moved us to Forks, Washington where he got a position in their police department. He quickly became the Chief of Police and he loved his job. My half brother, Emmett, went to live with his dad, stating he didn’t want to leave Phoenix. I didn’t believe him, he had never gotten along well with Charlie, but I was not quite six years old so what could I say?
Dad met Billy Black not long after we moved to Forks; one day near the La Push Reservation where they were both fishing (of course) and became fast friends. Jake and I were both along with our fathers that day; Jake was just a little younger than me, and on the first day we met, I hated him. He was obnoxious from the very start; shortly after I sat down on the blanket I had laid out over the damp sand, he stumbled, and scattered my dry macaroni and construction paper. My attempts to create a magnificent piece of artwork for my father were ruined. I was angry, but got over it and finally went to play with him. It seemed we were destined to be at odds. We had just begun to get along and were playing together when he tripped over his own feet and knocked me down. He fell right on top of me, shoving my face into the mud. I don’t think we had even known each other more than an hour, and I already despised him. But, being the feisty girl I was back then, and maybe still am, I waited to get revenge. I calculated my retaliation, and I got it several hours later.
Our fathers came home with a very decent catch that day. We took it all back to Billy’s garage where they de-scaled and gutted about thirty fish. The guts went into a large cooler that sat in the corner of the dingy garage so they could easily dispose of them later without the stench getting too strong. Jake was emptying a large bowl full of fish guts into the cooler for our dads; all it took was one little shove. I caught the poor boy off guard and he went in head first.
My dad was furious. He scolded me and said that nice young ladies did not act like that, which immediately made me burst into tears. Still yelling at me, he had asked what had come over me, and he was right. That wasn’t me; I was a quiet, shy girl. I may have had (okay, still have) a feisty streak, but I rarely acted on it. I simply couldn’t help it though. Jacob brought out the fire in me and I wanted payback. It just so happened that the perfect opportunity to do so presented itself.
Billy simply laughed and told my dad to calm down. Jake deserved it after what he did to me. Jake sulked for a while, and then he got over it. We played for the rest of the day, although I kept my distance from his stinky self, and in no time, we were the best of friends. We were completely inseparable from that day on. His dad said he smelled terrible for at least three days after.
I didn’t have many friends that weren’t from the La Push reservation other than Angela. I’ll never forget my first day of school at Forks Elementary. During recess, I had been approached by two girls, Jessica and Lauren. I was excited that someone finally wanted to talk to me as everyone else had been keeping their distance from me. The girls didn’t talk to me per se, they cornered me behind the playground equipment. While Jessica lifted and pulled at strands of my hair, Lauren taunted me with harsh words and repeatedly spat on me. She told me that nobody liked me and I was ugly and poor. She said that I should go back to where I came from, but they probably didn’t want me there either. They were brutal words coming from the older first grader. Hell, they’d be brutal words coming from an adult. I couldn’t understand why they were being so mean to me but Angela later told me it was simply because I was the new kid.
As I got into junior high school, it was no longer just those two girls who continuously taunted me. They’d recruited a new boy in their class, James. James was cute, and I have to admit, before the hags got him to join their ranks, I may have had a small crush on him. It ended quickly though, as he was worse than the girls.
Looking back on it now, I know that there are things James attempted to do to me, that most eighth grade boys shouldn’t even think about doing. He was never truly able to do anything to me, well, except for the one time. There were a number of times that I was somehow stranded alone with him somewhere, and he tried to touch me. And I don’t mean touch me like Jessica and Lauren did; James tried to touch me in intimate places. The farthest he ever got was reaching up under my shirt, but his hand only grazed my bra before someone walked in.
I eventually told Angela about it, making her promise to keep it a secret. She made the promise, but she didn’t keep it. She told her mom, who told my dad. I was horrified at first, thinking that James would retaliate and really start to torture me, but James got in a heap of trouble, and so did his parents. In the end, I was quite grateful that Angela had told, apparently James had a history of that kind of behavior. He and his parents had been bouncing from state to state, trying to keep the authorities from taking him and putting him in a detention center. It finally caught up with them in Forks; the state took James, and his parents disappeared. I was relieved. He was gone from Forks, and from my life, that was all I could have ever hoped for.
Angela has always been saving me; first with the two evil hags, and then James. She is even saving me now by running my studio. That first day when she caught Lauren and Jessica taunting me, she interrupted them and somehow aimed their focus toward her. The girls didn’t toy with her too much, as her mom was the guidance counselor at school. Angela later told me that they had gotten into a lot of trouble over another student they used to taunt. They had to have a sit-down with their parents, Angela’s mom, and the Principal. After that day, they still toyed with me, but being Angela’s friend and having her on my side helped me greatly. I loved her immediately that first day on the playground; after the fiasco with Lauren and Jessica, I trusted her and she befriended me. Every day we ate lunch together and while at school, we were always together. If we had any classes together, we sat together.
She was pretty much my only friend from Forks, even throughout high school. But I didn’t mind, I actually preferred it that way. I always opted for a small, close-knit group of friends over larger groups. When we were juniors, Angela started dating Ben; he became my friend too, so I guess I had two Forks friends.
La Push was my home away from home. It pleased Charlie, my dad, because it was safe there. Not that Forks was dangerous by any means, but I was watched and well protected at La Push. And being in law enforcement, safety was ingrained in Charlie. I guess I never really minded Charlie’s paranoia with my safety though; I never wanted to be away from La Push…or Jake. When my dad passed away when I was a senior, La Push was where I found my solace.
My brother and his fiancé moved to Forks after dad passed, not wanting me to be alone. Dad had paid the house off, and so I didn’t have to worry about taking care of a mortgage. I was eighteen, and legally an adult, but I couldn’t stand to be alone. I barely ever slept there except when totally necessary, and my brother chose to have his own place, never feeling quite comfortable in Charlie’s home. It annoyed me that he would choose to pay rent instead of living there for free, but I understood.
My weekends were spent with Jake and everyone else around camp fires or hanging out at Sam and Emily’s place. Sam is Jake’s older second cousin, and Emily, his wife. Our whole group was always there, leaving next to no room for movement in their small house, but that was my life and I was happy.
There were only a few of us girls in the La Push group. Besides Emily and me, the only others were Kim & Leah, and Leah never did like me much. That was okay by me though, the feeling was completely mutual. That girl had some kind of a complex. I just assumed it was about me being an outsider. I had overheard her having a discussion with Embry several years back about me not belonging. God love him, Embry stood up for me, calling me his long lost sister. It pissed Leah off, which made me happy, but at the same time, it made me sad that Leah felt that way about me. She retained her bitchiness toward me, and I got over my guilt.
Then there were the boys, and a lot of them too. I swore they were putting something in the food or water on the rez. All of the La Push boys, even the ones younger than me, were just huge; they towered over me. They could eat too; I had never seen four dozen worth of scrambled eggs disappear so quickly! They would have eaten Sam and Emily out of house and home if Emily had not created and enforced the “bring an item” rule. She said that if they expected her to cook for them every weekend, they had to supply some of the ingredients, and so they did. They all decided what ingredients they would bring and Emily cooked it all. I liked to make pancakes, so that was my job…and my ingredient. Emily argued with me for a while, telling me I didn’t have to bring an ingredient because I barely ate anything, but I wanted to contribute. It felt nice to be able to provide something in that way.
They were my family, but now, I can’t bear to think about them.
We had such good times. Jake, Paul, and Embry taught me so many things. I went from bumbling adolescent to a sleek-almost adult because of them. Jake was younger than me, but he was agile and athletic. I actually have grace in my footing and poise in my back because of them. They taught me how to surf and rock climb, rappel too. Jake even rebuilt a set of motorcycles for us. They were vintage Indians. I still have them, but they have been covered up in the garage for the last year and a half. I haven’t even looked at them in the last year.
**
Our official seven year anniversary, or four year wedding anniversary, is today. But I hate this day. It is going to be a long and tiresome day, with many phone calls and visitors I won’t be able to turn away. What is it about death that makes people want to reminisce? Dredge up all the happy memories that leave sadness in their wake? Why can’t people just leave me alone? I just want the solitude, it’s comforting. I really want to go back to bed.
I know Billy is going to call, and I just don’t know if I can deal with that call today. I know that he is hurting too, but it will honestly kill me to talk to him today. I won’t make it past saying hello to simply answer the phone, thanks to the genius who invented caller I.D.
The sleep I so greatly need has been eluding me. It mocks me. Well, the dreams mock me; taunt me with what is no longer here. I’m so tired; I just want to sleep, but so afraid to sleep because of the dreams. There won’t be any relief for me even if I do sleep, the nightmares will wake me and I will stay awake for hours. That has been the cycle for the last eleven months.
Today isn’t just the date of our wedding anniversary. Today is also the anniversary date of that fateful accident. Today is the day that Jake died, one year ago. One year ago today I lost the love of my life because I wanted ice cream and he couldn’t say no to me.
So he took me to get ice cream.
One year ago today, I lost everything. More than just my husband and more than just myself. The life I cherished…ended.
My life stopped one year ago today.
I. Just. Stopped.
